Author Topic: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock  (Read 5743 times)

Offline MattGSX

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Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« on: March 13, 2007, 05:27:42 PM »
So I was writing up this list of totally awesome classical music I listened to this last year and I hit Phillip Glass. Now, I'm not crazy about Phillip Glass, so I'm not sure why I thought about him, but thinking about him made me think of crappy music written for commercials. Now, when you combine crappy music in commercials, there's one other thing that may come to mind OTHER than Phillip Glass: Yngwie Malmsteen.

Malmsteen, pictured http://www.yngwie.org/images/Magazinecovers/GuitarMagJapan84.jpg here, is a self-proclaimed guitar god who seems to be fighting a battle with only his axe of victory. This may have been cool in the 80's, when this picture was taken, but this fucker has been "going strong" for more than 20 years now.

Below: A more recent photo



Just look at this old sack of shit. I mean look at him. His leather pants look like they're going to split at the seams. His hair extensions are so badly permed the latino woman in me wants to kick his teeth in.

I know it shouldn't matter how an artist looks. If he wants to look like a rehab patient who doesn't remember anything other than his first Van Halen concert, cool. If he wants to look like that fat fucker that played keyboard in "Spinal Tap", awesome. What I should really care about is his MUSIC.

I do care. His music sucks.

Download, and listen to, "I am a Viking". The title should give away why I hate this man. I'm not going to elaborate.

Next, listen to ANYTHING ELSE by Malmsteen. I can pretty much guarantee that if the tempo is relatively similar, his guitar part is going to be almost the fucking same. This man has been, for 20 years, doing nothing but sweep arpeggios, pyramid arpeggios, and other guitar masturbation techniques that are shunned in everything except for technical etudes (music you play to build your technique, not to perform) and the guitar music of Paganini (from the 1800's).

This man is pretentious as hell and his music sucks. He may have phenomenal technique, but so do many other guitarists. Other guitarists just know when to stop giving their guitars handjobs and when to play a fucking song.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2007, 05:29:36 PM by MattGSX »

Offline M-26-7

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2007, 05:36:09 PM »
You play?

Offline MattGSX

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2007, 05:45:56 PM »
A bit. Why?

Offline M-26-7

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2007, 05:48:34 PM »
You sound like you do.

Offline MattGSX

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2007, 05:53:01 PM »
I'm going to school for music performance and composition. I play viola, violin, percussion, some guitar, even less piano, and I sing some. Granted,  I can't do a sweep arpeggio (picking each individual note with alternating pick strokes) but I know that I don't like music made up completely of sweeps.


Offline silentneep

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2007, 06:10:46 PM »
What's your take on guys like Satirani and Vai?  I ask because they're both really good, but you could almost make the same argument about them as far as their music being composed mainly of impressive-sounding technics.
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Offline MattGSX

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2007, 06:27:49 PM »
I don't have as much of a problem against them, but that's because I don't have to listen to idiot recording tech students idolizing either of them any time anyone mentions guitar

Offline Nod

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2007, 06:39:18 PM »
Quote
This man has been, for 20 years, doing nothing but sweep arpeggios, pyramid arpeggios, and other guitar masturbation techniques that are shunned in everything except for technical etudes (music you play to build your technique, not to perform) and the guitar music of Paganini (from the 1800's).

The beginning to Paganini's 1st Caprice is one of the first things I learned to play on guitar. You can kind of tell how most of his music was written for violin.
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Offline murd0c

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2007, 05:52:02 PM »
I'm going to name one of my new songs "YNGWIEMALMSTEENSSOLOSALLSOUNDTHESAME"

Offline MattGSX

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2007, 06:46:49 PM »
You wouldn't be too far off the mark there, shooter. And since most of his songs are just solos...

Offline M-26-7

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2007, 07:08:44 PM »
Oh noes! Scrubs references!

Offline MattGSX

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #11 on: March 14, 2007, 07:16:20 PM »
Is it? I don't watch TV that much anymore, so I really don't know.

Offline splynt0r

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2007, 11:12:23 AM »
Tom Morello is still the best at Solos , Right before Alexi Laiho.  ;D

Offline MattGSX

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2007, 01:17:04 PM »
Tom Morello's solos are just random noise. What makes him any better than the guitarists from Sonic Youth, or even MxBx? I like RATM, but I never really thought of them as that innovative, and I haven't heard anything Morello has done outside of RATM that is any better than that.

Offline PHISH-PHREAK

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Re: Yngwie Malmsteen is a cock
« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2007, 02:45:05 PM »
His hair extensions are so badly permed the latino woman in me wants to kick his teeth in.

It's a shemale?