I got this idea when I attended the Wood River parade and some tanning salon was passing out flyers for free tanning. So I figure I'll print up a few thousand and we'll walk along with the parade and hand them out to everyone. But my friend, who's considerably less boring than me, decided to dress up in a robe and Scream mask and go nuts on the crowd as he handed flyers to them. His practice run was at the East Alton parade where he ran about 1/4 of the parade route, screaming "Do you like paper? Would you like a paper?? Screw this candy they're throwing, take a paper instead!" and other miscellaneous things. The crowd loved it, everyone was laughing, cheering and taking papers from him. (click here for the full article)

Inside Scoop on the Alton Belle
11/08/2001

The Inside Scoop on corruption and mistreatment of Employees of Alton's Gaming Establishment. Hello everyone, I am writing this article to bring some insight to the inner workings of an Alton Gaming establishment that has been corrupting peoples' lives and treating employees like criminals. Being a former employee and Union member I have seen a lot of things happen over a four year period. I will let you all in on what happened to a friend of mine and myself just recently. (click here for the full article)

Video Pranksters Running Amuck in Alton
12/17/2000

In October of 2000 a couple of pranksters put a sign on the Alton Hardee's drive-thru board which read, "If you sing Happy Birthday to the Drive-Thru girl you'll get a free meal!" and then videotaped the results for everyone to see. By tuning a police scanner to Hardee's drive-thru frequency, they even recorded a few customers singing very badly. You can watch the whole video on the web by going to the PLA TV website. You can also see plenty of other videos recorded in the Riverbend area on this page.

Ghostly Orbs Pictured At Alton's Legendary McPike Mansion!
11/01/2000

Believers and skeptics alike were stunned at the undeniable proof of these spooks caught on film just days after the anual McPike campout in 2000. We only hope this can... oh wait... dammit, that's just the sun reflecting off my camera lens. Boy do I feel stupid now.

Those dumbfucks at McDonald's Forgot to put in a playland!
12/22/2000

Well, the new McDonald's on Broadway finally opened and guess what? No playland! You'd think since we already have a McDonald's in Alton with no playland on Homer Adams they would think to put one in, but nooooooooooooooooooooo...

Oh but don't worry, there's plenty of pretty pictures on the walls by local artist Martha Paquin. I thought McDonald's was a kid's restaurant. As it is we only have 2 places to drive our kids for a decent indoor playland - Godfrey Mcdonald's or Jamestown Mall's food court. I can't believe they'd forget to put a playland on the new McDonald's.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that we even got a downtown McDonald's and the progress on Broadway is looking great. But there's nothing I like better than to bring my 2 kids and a book to the Godfrey McDonald's and let my kids run wild while I read for a few hours. But I hate having to drive so far. So if I kill someone in a fit of road rage on the way to Godfrey it's all McDonald's fault. Uh, so there.

Steak 'N Shake Is Hiring!

That's right, quit your current job because you too can be employed at the Homer Adams Steak 'N Shake! Just remember that the interviews are between 2 til 4. Wait a minute, that can't be right. Between 2 til 4? Maybe they mean that the interviews could begin in the 2 to 4 range. Or perhaps between the hours of 2 like from 2:00 to 2:59 but not at 4pm? Or maybe you can only have the interview at 3:58pm hence the "2 til 4" on the sign. But that would be hard to get there at exactly 3:58 and we all know that being late for an interview doesn't look good to a Steak 'N Shake manager. So just to be safe, try to get there at 3:56pm so you're not late for the interview.

Hostess Bakery Thriftshop Admits That His Spelling Sucks Ass

"When I got great idea of making every Wednesday a bargain day I got some old boards out of the garage and painted up some right pretty signs," claimed Jim Bailey, the general manager of the Wonder Hostess shop on Homer Adams Parkway. "What I didn't realize at the time was that I spelled 'BARGIN' wrong on all the signs. A customer pointed it out several years later but by then I just didn't feel like making new signs."

Jim admits that he's contributing to the whole illiteracy in America problem but doesn't care because it'd be too much work to change all the signs now. "Hey if Toys R Us can be morons then so can we!"

An employee at the Homer Adams Parkway Wendy's was surprised today to learn from a radio DJ that she didn't know how to spell the word Sandwich correctly. As proof, the DJ had her look on their very own signboard to see that she had misspelled it. The unlucky radio contest loser missed her chance to win $107.70 of tax-free cash from the radio station. To hear the telephone call of the Z107.7 Spelling Game, click here. Better luck next time, Chavez...keep listening for your chance to win!

Here's some FREE STUFF for you!
11/7/2003

The Alton Freecycle Network is open to anyone in the Riverbend area who wants to 'recycle' something rather than leave it at the side of the curb to be hauled off to the landfill. Items include but are not limited to: appliances, furniture, books, old windows and doors, etc. If you're looking to furnish your apartment, you are welcome to post a 'wanted' request and see what comes up. There's just one rule - everything MUST be free. Click here to join this program, it's easy and free!

Join The Riverbend Community Group Today!
4/12/2002

In 1999 Alton Online started a community club with the Yahoo Clubs service. Today it's probably the most active place to have conversations with local people. By joining the club you can post messages for other local users to see, you can receive the messages via your email box or just read them on the web. You can also join the chat room, look at pictures posted by Riverbend members or post your own pictures for other people to see. To join for free, just click here to get started.

Alton Online Inspires Similar Sites in Washington
1/05/2002

A resident of Walla Walla, Washington happened across this website and decided he liked the idea so much that he created a similar (very similar) site for his hometown. Click here to visit Walla Walla, Washington.

You Know You're From Alton If...

• You do your grocery shopping at Hit 'N Run
• You count down the days until the expo
• You're driving down the beltline with the windows down and the car on your left is blasting rap and the car on your right is blasting country western.
• You think a 99 cent Fast Eddie Burger is too expensive.
• The Elijah P. Lovejoy Statue: You've heard people talk about it but you've never actually been there.
• The local bars have better parking than the high school.
• You actually know who Robert Wadlaw is.
• You know you live in Alton when you want to go to the mall on a Friday night but can't because the city closes at dusk.
• You hear "Bon-Air" and think of a seedy place that shift workers from the mold shop frequent.
• You learned your colors by looking at all of the chewed gum stuck under the lunch counter at Honke's.
• Ponderosa is the nicest restaurant you've eaten at.
• You realize that Alton, a town of 35,000, has no movie theater, but East Alton, a town of 7,000 has a huge movie theater, a Sonic Drive-In, a Taco Bell bigger than Alton's and a newer McDonald's WITH a playland for the kids.
• You think splurging is paying for vallet parking at the Alton Belle.
• You spend your Friday nights at Wood River Wal-Mart.
• You know what 97 degree heat and 97% humidity feel like.
• The Hostess/Wonderbread Resale Shop and Dairy Queen have a better chance of getting robbed than the local banks.
• The houses to your left are worth $200,000 and the ones to your right are worth $20.
• You actually get these jokes and send them to all your friends in Alton.

Eastgate Cinema - A Look Back

Learn a little about the construction history on Alton's only area movie theater. In 1990 Eastgate Plaza's twin cinema was converted into a 6-plex theater. Here you'll find a few pictures of the conversion and a little history on the construction. Click here for full page.

Why I Hate Wood River Wal-Mart
Arbie

(c)2000 - It seems like every time I go into the Wood River Wal-Mart I leave being a very unhappy customer. Terrible incident after incident happens to me, yet I continue to go back there for more torture. Now you have to understand that I'm a friendly, layed back person and nothing really ticks me off. I'm almost always polite and courteous to everyone I encounter, I like to kid around with people, make them laugh yet I'm about to the point to where I can't stand Wal-Mart or it's employees. Here's just a few of my personal examples. (click here for the full story)

Write For Us!

Do you have something to share with us? Would you like to respond to an article or even write your own? Then email me and I just may get back to you. Then again I'll probably just forward your email to my friends and we'll have a hearty laugh over it.