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So my quest to save Calimar from marriage was a complete failure but I still managed to have a really great time this weekend. I present to everyone…

I’m referring to it as a con because it seemed like a mini-hacker con to me. I met people there that I usually only interact with online. I met, for the 2nd time in my life, Jammie who founded the #rock channel a decade ago. I met a guy I didn’t know but who said to me, “Yeah, you used to prank call my dad all the time and you would really piss him off!” Not to mention that there were PLA Bells on the wedding cake and cactus confetti spread all around them. Cal’s wife arranged that herself so she can’t be that bad of a person! I didn’t take many pictures myself so I’m planning on stealing Jammie and Laura’s pictures as soon as they’re all up online. For now, though, here are a few of my pictures. More will be added soon…

I had 2 pictures of the PLA bells on the cake but one of them got corrupted in the transfer from my SD card and it happened to be the better picture. Dammit. Hopefully Jammie took one too so I can put it up. The picture of Calimar singing with one of the groomsmen – they’re doing karaoke of the song Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. In girl voices. I regret not bringing my video camera for that. On Sunday I drove a friend several hundred miles home to help him avoid airfare. So I thought the Limo thing on my back window was fitting.

The weekend was great fun. I ate at restaurants all weekend and I never seemed to be able to pay the tab because someone always beat me to it. Damn you nice people! I finally managed to pick up the tab on our piddley breakfast Sunday morning before we left. On Friday night we all met at a bar called Chances and stayed there until about 2am. I ended up sleeping on the floor in D’s hotel room. I’d slept on Cal’s couch the night before and it was comfortable and everything but he had these animals in his kitchen (sugar gliders, I think they’re called) and they made horribly annoying noises all night and kept me up. I don’t think I slept for more than an hour at a time. The hotel floor was much quieter.

On Saturday morning we got up and did some running around town with Cal, going to a few stores and gathering random things that were needed for the wedding. Ate breakfast with a bunch of people at some mexican place. The wedding ended up lasting maybe 30 or 40 minutes. I ended up being one of the ushers in the wedding which was fine with me since it required minimal responsibility. At some point, Cal’s fiance, Anita, decided that I would be the one to walk her down the isle and give her away. I text messaged this information to my friend Amy on Friday evening and she replied, “That will be an easy way to keep Cal from getting hitched. Just before you walk her down the isle, chloroform her and lock her in the closet. That way Cal will just think she is another runaway bride like that one chick on TV.” I thought that was a hilarious idea so I passed my cell phone around the table for everyone to read the text message. I’m thinking that perhaps this is the reason it was decided that I wouldn’t give Anita away. She probably wasn’t sure if I was joking or not.

After the wedding was the reception and then me and a few others went to Corpus Christi to see Revenge of the Sith. I’m not really a big Star Wars fan but it was still a good movie. After the movie we hung out in a place called Habeeb’s Corner and ate pizza for awhile. Then me, D, Laura and Jammie went in search of a beach to run around on. We made a quick pitstop at a stripclub along the way that was actually just a double-wide trailer with a sign on top reading ADULT CABARET. We stayed there for less than 3 minutes and then continued to Rockport in search of the beach.

You’d think for a town which is practically an island, we could find a beach. But it was dark and all we could find were fishing piers. None of us were FROM Rockport and I’d sure never bothered looking for a beach there before. We actually stopped at a Circle K and asked the clerk where the beach was. Eventually we found a suitable beach. Laura and Jammie, who are from DC and NYC, really wanted to see a Texas beach. And they got to see it, overgrown with moss, roaches, fishheads and a terrible smell. We eventually found a much cleaner section of beach and Laura convinced me to run around in the ocean with her. In my clothes.

That night ended around 2am or so. The next morning after our breakfast and goodbyes, I gave D a ride to his house, a few hundred miles away and then I made it to Muskogee, Oklahoma and crashed in a Super 8 for the night. I was really hoping to make it to Missouri before stopping, but I was tired. I got home on Monday around 5:30pm. I’d hung around Muskogee all morning, working from my cell phone, which is why it took me so long to make it back to Alton.

Comment from not jammie in certainly not NYC on Thursday, June 09, 2005: Wow that jammie chick is pretty hot! You should go visit her!

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Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005: Went to the YWCA to pick up enrollment stuff for the kids summer camp. Then went to a bunch of antique shops, pawn shop and a thrift store.

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Thursday, May 5th, 2005: Visited my parents for awhile this evening. Went to Dennis’ to show him button designs and accidentally woke him up.

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Saturday, May 7th, 2005: Got up around 6:30 and drove to Troy for the fundraiser again. Was much busier this week than last.

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Tuesday, May 12th, 2005: Took Tami and her kids to see Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy in Jerseyville.

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Wednesday, May 11th, 2005: Me and Tami ate lunch at a restaurant in Cottage Hills.

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Saturday, May 14th, 2005: Visited my parents to bring them Eli & Janae buttons. Then went to the mall and to a couple flea markets.

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Monday, May 16th, 2005: I was at the mall today looking for a book and a spotted a book on how to use Google. As if Google could possibly be too hard for somebody and they would need to pay $15.00 on a book that shows them how to use it. Of course, they also show you how to use other difficult search engines like Yahoo, MSN Search and Altavista. As if anybody in this century has ever used Altavista. On the same shelf was a book on how to use your Ipod. In case the instruction manual was missing from the box when you bought your Ipod, I guess. Because using an Ipod is even harder than using Google. That one button on it really gets confusing.

Anyway, I picked out my book, Outlook Express for Dummies, paid for it and went home.

Went to Wendy’s today for a Frosty and snapped a picture of their sign. Later I was on the phone with Amy and she came up with the idea of calling them as a radio station doing a spelling contest. So here’s the call. The only thing I forgot to say was, “Hey, what’s your favorite radio station that makes fun of your spelling errors?”

I’m in a rut again. I can’t get motivated to accomplish anything. And I’ve got so much I need to do. A million things. I hate this. This evening I went on a really really long walk across Alton. And I remembered this really idiotic, crazy, retarded, incredibly stupid phreaking adventure I had when I was 19. Well it was more along the lines of fraud or felonies than phreaking. Anyway, I was living in East Alton, working at 7-Elven and living with my parents. I’d been collecting credit card numbers from customers at work and I had quite a collection of them, along with their names and addresses. I even had the mayor of East Alton’s credit card number which I attempted to order a laptop on later that year. But that’s not the stupid part.

While living in Los Angeles a few months earlier, I’d tried to wire myself money through Western Union with some stolen credit cards. I tried it several times and it never worked. I finally found out that the reason was because Western Union needed to call me at the phone number that was on file with the credit card company to verify I was really the card holder. The obvious solution (other than giving up on the idea) was to call up the credit card company and change the card holder’s phone number to a pay phone I could stand at. But I didn’t do that. Instead I ordered call forwarding for these peoples’ phone lines so that I could go to their house, beige box their lines and forward their phone calls to a pay phone that I could answer.

Two of the credit card numbers I had belonged to people in Edwardsville, Illinois. So I picked them as my victims and ordered call forwarding for their lines. Then I asked my parents if I could borrow their truck for the night because my manager needed me to work in the Edwardsville store which was 25 miles away. (The Edwardsville 7-Eleven wasn’t even affiliated with the 2 7-Elevens in town that I worked at.) So around 1:30 in the morning, I start driving to Edwardsville with a map, a homemade beige box, the number of a local pay phone and all kinds of tools. I found the neighborhood and parked the truck several blocks away, thinking if I had to run away quickly I wouldn’t want them to see what kind of vehicle I got into.

The neighborhood was really nice and I can’t believe nobody happened to notice a scruffy-looking, big-haired stranger walking down the road with his jacket bulging full of phreaking supplies. If a cop would have passed me I’m sure he would have questioned me or at least parked somewhere and watched me. My mission was a complete failure. I didn’t get any lines forwarded. The first house had lights all around it and I didn’t feel comfortable walking up to it. The second house had their TNI box way up high where I couldn’t reach it, even when I stood on their deck. It was so stupid and insane, walking around on some family’s deck and snooping around their house at 2:30 in the morning. Their house was on the lake so I walked to the lake and just sat in the grass for probably an hour before getting bored and going home. I’m amazed that I didn’t get caught that night. Or at least chased. I think I gave up on the Western Union idea after that. About a month later is when my girlfriend and I looted 7-Eleven and fled town.

I was looking around on Ebay today and noticed an auction for an issue of Rolling Stone. It’s the latest issue and it’s a tribute to the recently deceased author Hunter S. Thompson. You can buy this issue of Rolling Stone on the news stands for $3.95 but for some reason it was selling for $27.00 on Ebay, plus shipping. I begin to think that if it’s selling for this much now when it’s still on the stands, just think how much it’ll go for in a few weeks when it’s not available anymore! I immediately headed for the mall, in search of Rolling Stone.

I went to 2 bookstores in the mall and only one had any left. They had 2 copies and a bought them both. Then I went to Target and found 1 copy there and bought it. Later in the evening, I went back out in search of more. I found them at Shop N Save, Schnucks and Blockbuster. The cashier at one of the Shop N Saves asked if I meant to pick up 4 copies of the same magazine. I said, “Yeah, it’s in case I need to read an article more than once.” In the end, I ended up with 17 copies of the same magazine, totalling $67.15. If I actually sell each copy for $27.00, I’ll make $459.00. I’m betting a bunch of other people will have the same idea, though, and they won’t sell for as much. I’m sure I’ll at least make my $67.15 back though. Maybe if I wait for a year they’ll go up even higher! Or not. In any case, profitting on somebody else’s tragic death rocks!

In other news, gas prices are supposed to skyrocket in the morning. I stopped at Piasa Pantry to fill up my tank and was surprised to see it at $1.98. The lady getting gas next to me told me gas was $2.15 a few towns over. When I went inside to pay, I was told I was lucky I just got gas because they’re just getting ready to switch it to $2.15. Then 2 minutes later on the radio, the DJ warns us all to hurry up and get gas because it’s going up everywhere. What sucks about all this is that I’m driving a few thousand miles across the country in a couple of days. It’s gonna be expensive.

Today I had to get up early and help move some symphony in St. Louis set up their instruments and stage. In between, I’m stuck sitting in a college’s cafeteria for several hours while they practice and then give a concert. That’s what I’m doing now. Usually when I do this, the cafeteria is open and there are a lot of people here. Today it’s closed for some reason, and it’s just me and an occasional person might come in to use the vending machines. That’s where the psycho lady comes in…

I’ve been sitting here for a few hours, working on various things and catching up on my email when a lady comes in and heads for the vending machines. After standing there for a few minutes, she asks me if I have any change and I tell her I’m sorry but I don’t have any cash at all. She says, “All I need is 4 quarters for a dollar. You can’t give me that?” as if I have the money and I’m just not willing to help her out. I tell her no, I really don’t have any money at all. And I don’t!

She goes back to the machines and fights with putting her dollar into the candy machine. It keeps spitting it out, she smooths it, tries again, etc. Finally it goes in and she starts hitting buttons. And apparently it took her dollar and didn’t give her anything back. So she starts hitting the buttons and cursing. She kicks the machine and keeps trying different buttons to get her candy and/or her dollar back. It doesn’t work. So she approaches me again.

“That machine just took my money. Who do I talk to to get a refund?”

“I’m really not sure. Normally the cafeteria people, I think. But they’re not here today.”

“Well where should I go then?”

“I’m just a visitor here so I really don’t know.”

“You don’t know where any staff people are?” she asks accusingly.

“No. I don’t work here and I’m not a student.”

She looks pissed. She turns around and starts muttering to herself as she walks out of the room. Every other word she mutters seems to be “stupid.” I watch as she leaves the building and I assume it’s over. A minute later I see her walk in with one of the security guards. They don’t come into the cafeteria but they head towards the basement. He disappears through a door and she doesn’t. She mills around for awhile and then comes back into the cafeteria. She walks up to the machine and has another go at it. Hitting buttons, cursing, calling it stupid. Then she starts shaking the machines from side to side. Then she puts her hands on top of it and rocks it back and forth. I’m just waiting for it to fall on top of her. But it doesn’t. She leaves again, muttering the whole time about how stupid and retarded the machine is.

Over the next hour, this repeats several more times. She walks in, beats the hell out of the machine, yells at it, calls it stupid, calls it retarded and then walks out muttering and shoving chairs out of her way. It’s pretty amusing to watch. During one of her exits, she actually does an impression of how retarded the candy machine is. She says in a stereotypical retarded voice, “I’m a machine and I’m retarded!” I begin to fear for my safety.

This lady doesn’t LOOK crazy. She’s in her late 20’s or early 30’s, short hair, small build. In fact, that machine would crush her pretty good if it fell on her. But how psychotic can you be, getting this upset over losing $1.00?? I can understand shaking the machine to try and make candy drop out of it but I don’t understand her taking it so personally! Currently she’s still milling around in the lobby area. I’m expecting her back in here in just a few minutes to see if the candy machine has changed has changed it’s mind yet. Every once in awhile I’ll see her pass by outside the cafeteria. She keeps going up to all the closed doors around the lobby and trying to open them, only to find them locked.

Later that hour…I left the cafeteria and noticed that she was asleep on the couch in the lobby. Guess she used up all her energy by pacing around and beating the hell out of the candy machine. I snapped a picture of her and a picture of the culprit. Here they are:

Saturday, March 12th, 2005: A few thoughts to ponder…

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

No, of course I didn’t write those. But they’re pretty funny/true. Another little piece of hilarity is something a friend wrote to me in an email yesterday. “As far as finding a job… why don’t you try something like Taco Bell… I’m sure they would LOVE to have you on their side!” It’s only funny if you realize how much grief I’ve caused to my local Taco Bell.

Tuesday, March 8th, 2005: I am sick. Last night I woke up around 4am and began puking. That sucked. This morning I worked for about an hour and then slept on the couch for the rest of the day. I had my heat turned up to 75, a sweater on and a blanket but I was still freezing all day. At some point in the evening I woke up and thought, “Damn, it’s hot in here.” and I guess that’s when I started feeling a little better. I played on the net for a few minutes and then went to bed.

Thursday, March 3rd, 2005: I snapped this while I was getting an oil change today. The image has always been pretty amusing to me. It’s too bad they don’t show the guy’s surprised facial expression as he falls into the hole. So today I got my oil changed. And my taxes done. And then I did laundry. I am an exciting person.

Sunday, 2-6-2005: Got up, played on the net for awhile, then packed up my stuff and went to McDonald’s for breakfast. I didn’t have my backpack zipped all the way and my laptop fell out and hit the concrete sidewalk at the motel! But it seems to be working just fine right now. This is about the 3rd time I’ve dropped the laptop in the past few years but this is definitely it’s worst fall. I’m surprised that it’s still working…