Music review: Myspace bands

[MattGSX]

1. Medicated Kisses - http://www.myspace.com/medicatedkisses
So these guys were the "featured artist" when I first logged into my Myspace, and while I was passing over it with my mousepad on my laptop, I must have accidentally  brushed it, because the page opened. It started out with this chick singing, like the opening to a Donna Summer song or some shit. Then the song started.

Rock, they call it. They must be so rock as to not be anything else, because they chose ROCK as all 3 of their applicable categories. I've heard nursing home patients rock harder than this shit. You look at the picture of them and hear some of the guitar licks and you expect this wonderful union between like, OTEP and Thrice, but instead you get this early 90's movie montage music. They're like a horrible union between whatever "rock" band is big at the moment and Amy Lee. Seriously, I don't need to hear another Amy Lee ripoff band. Evenescence sucks enough for all of them.

2. Heartless Bastards - http://myspace.com/heartlessbastards
Wow, congratulations. You can get a bunch of instruments and voices that all play the EXACT SAME FUCKING NOTES through an entire song. Way to go. I'm curious as to how they can list Sonic Youth as one of their influences, since Sonic Youth generally made a point of not sucking. Seriously, I had such high fucking hopes for these guys. Sonic Youth, Bob Dylan, Arethra Franklin, chick singer, earth tone page. FUCK FUCK FUCK

3. Low - http://www.myspace.com/low
It's kinda like Philip Glass. Very minimalist, very simple. The guitar is very "free" from the rest of the music, which is cool. The vocals are fucking annoying as hell, though. I don't know... I can't pass judgment on them yet.

4. Kaddisfly - http://www.myspace.com/kaddisfly
OMG!! NEW RECORD AVAILABLE AT HOT TOPIC!!! The singer makes me want to shoot children and ram farming tools through my rectum.

5. Uncle Bob Drives a Combine - http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=2891204
I think I just found my new favorite grindcore band. AND THEY'RE FROM WISCONSIN! Holy shit, a band with farmers and robots that sings about country life and spirit journeys and shit. I love it.

6. Bubblegum Octopus - http://www.myspace.com/bubblegumoctopus
It's kind of like Mindless Self Indulgence, except all with a sequencer, and with some grind/death thrown in. I both love it and hate it at the same time.



I'll check more myspace bands out when I wake back up. I need a nap.

[MattGSX]

Part 2 or so: So you guys can have some idea of just HOW shitty Wisconsin is, I decided to stick to Wisconsin bands. This instillation will be of WI metal bands.
The Beholder -  http://www.myspace.com/thebeholdermetal 
It's the horrible bastard child of Dying Fetus, sludge metal, Cannibal Corpse on their worst day, and all those shitty bands where the singer goes so low it sounds more like gargling than growling. Uncoordinated drums, horrible vocals, no mixing ability, and stereotype guitar licks help make me remember WHY I stopped supporting my local metal scene and eventually stop listening all together.

King Diamond -  http://www.myspace.com/kingdiamond2
Just listen. The instrumental intro is somewhat promising, if not a little repetitive or predictable. Then the vocals came in. I almost shit myself laughing till I remembered that these guys are probably serious. Do you like Styx? Do you like Styx with a blastbeat? Didn't think so. It's good for it's novelty, in the same way that I dig mur0c's music, or even Bubblegum Octopus.

Screaming Afterbirth - http://www.myspace.com/screamingafterbirth 
Fuck no

Misery Signals - http://www.myspace.com/miserysignals
THIS is some good fucking music. Hardcore influences, good grind/metalcore, good vocals, tight instrumentals. Holy shit, they're from WI! Really though, this band is made up of some former members of 7 Angels, 7 Plagues, one of the bigger Christian metal/hardcore bands out there before they broke up.

End This Day - http://www.myspace.com/endthisdai 
They're pretty good, but they sound a lot like 7 Angels, which is a big problem with the few good WI bands. They're all really heavily influenced by the few that made it, so we have a thousand 7 Angels, 7 Plagues, we have a million Violent Femmes, a thousand Forstella Fords, etc, etc.

Grawaffles - http://www.myspace.com/grawaffles
Every wondered what Pantera, Sepeltura, and Slayer would sound like if they all combined and none could play their instruments? Me neither.

[ClarkSideOfTMoon]

Worst. Band. Ever.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=107387598

[MattGSX]

Why do you say that? The vocals kinda suck, but the doom-ey sort of feeling isn't half bad. It just doesn't have the greatest recording quality. The lo-fi thing almost adds something.

[mrpeanut]

This recording isn't really Lo-fi it's just badly mixed.

When I saw WTC123, my hopes were high for "World Trade Center 123"

Sadly they have a shitty name.

Moving on, who the fuck mixed these drums? Ugh..

Reviewing the musical content is pointless, they're just trying to be offensive (they failed)

And sadly, once again, this was not the world trade center.

[silentneep]

Worst. Band. Ever.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=107387598

I had to click that link and make sure it wasn't my band.

Incidentally, Matt, feel free to NOT review my band, as it won't be kind, I'm sure.

[MattGSX]

Can I at least listen without reviewing?

[silentneep]

You might have already.  We're on your friends list--"nevermind".

[MattGSX]

That's you? Holy shit. I was afraid that was FB or something

Not half bad, actually.

[murd0c]

Silentneep looks like Kurt Cobain. I've seen him.

[MattGSX]

Who? neep or Cobain?

I don't know... I can't tell them apart! *rimshot*
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