Turning a Paperclip into Riches and Fame

[frog]

This is very possible and simple, you will just need to complete a few preparatory steps:

1. Build a time machine
This actually isn't very hard, and can be substituted with a phreaking device known as the "clip box." The clip box is a paperclip, which you spin above your head very quickly like you were a helicopter. This will actually transform you into a time-traveling helicopter. Don't believe me? E=MC² BITCH QED QED QED QED QED.

2. Become really good at typing with your eyes closed

3. Become really good at something other than masturbating

Once you've got those down, it's time to get started!


Turning a Paperclip into Riches and Fame

Take the paperclip you will later use for a time machine and bend one end out slightly. Now, scratch your eyes like mad until you are blind.

Tell your parents, etc., that you are blind. If they don't believe you, fall down the stairs repeatedly until they do.

Now, type up a book about that thing you are really good at, that isn't masturbating. Tell your mother you feel like death is imminent, and print her a copy of the book. She will get it to a publisher, who would love to print anything by a blind guy who is really good at something other than masturbating and is about to die. Your book will sell like mad, you will later write a novel about yourself, which will sell roughly 27 million copies in 1999 alone.

Now for the easy part. Take your paperclip and become a time machine as earlier described. Go back in time to when they were filming Star Trek: The Next Generation. Steal those wicked glasses from Jordie LaForge and you will be able to see again. Return to the present, and you will be rich and able to see. Avoid investing in Nortel.

Since you're going to blow all that money pretty quickly, you can recuperate some by writing another book about how you became not dying/able to see again, and what gave you the idea. For a twist that will keep puppies screaming in rapturous agony (??WTF??), claim that WILLIAM WALLACE told you what to do, from beyond the grave.

Dedicate all your books to King Richard, too, chicks love that.

[gruz]

This idea has already been done by many, many people. Next time, post some original shit.

[frog]

This idea has already been done by many, many people. Next time, post some original shit.

I just want my mother to love me...........................

[gangals]

Well, she's too busy loving me, so... I don't think that's going to happen

[userdan]

While that maybe true, a clip box is VERY hard to make...It requires a paperclip not produced anymore, the "Clipzorz 4500 Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-Alpha".
You'dbe better off making the timemachine...Unless you have 50 UTR Laser Beams, and a titanuim-based bulding to start off with.
Or, if yousimply HAVE to have those fame and riches, you can ask some uber-1337zorz guy, such as myself, if hecan lend you his clipbox...Which you can't do,since anyone owning a clipbox is already too rich, and has about 50 bodyguards at all time, which won't let you see him/herif you're not cool enough...
...
Which You, obviously, can't  be, since your don't own a Clipbox...N00b.>_>