I'm messing with shit today, sorry about the theme change. -RBCPI hate new things. -Murd0c
Original ad:Wanted: ride from philly to rehoboth beachi am trying to leave any time next friday. i will pay for gas, and provide conversation.i am bringing a large duffel bag and a cat.========================================================From Mike Partlow to ***********@*********.orgHey,I have to go to court in Rehoboth next Friday, so I would be able to give you a ride. I just want to know, you're female, right?Mike__________________________________________________________________________________________From chris ******** to Mei am male. what time did you want to leave?-chris__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Partlow to chris *********Chris,I'm sorry, I thought you were female because you said you owned a cat. Sorry, but I don't want to give you a ride. Two dudes in a car, going to Rehoboth, it just seems a little gay. Better luck next time.Mike__________________________________________________________________________________________From chris ******** to Mewtf how is that gay? i just want a ride!__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Partlow to chris *********Well normally I wouldn't think anything of it, but first off, you own a cat, and you are a dude. That is a huge red flag right there. Any normal straight guy wouldn't own a cat, and if he did, he wouldn't care about the cat enough to take it to the beach. Second, you want to go to Rehomo Beach. I'm not judging your lifestyle or anything man, I just don't want you gaying up my car. No offense. I don't even want to know what is in your duffel bag.__________________________________________________________________________________________From chris ******** to Mestfu dude why are you being a prick! im not fucking gay i just cant get a fucking ride to the beach! my GIRLFRIEND happens to have a house in rehoboth!!__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Partlow to chris *********Yeah, I'm sure he does.I think Richard Simmons is driving down there next week, try to get a ride with him.
Original ad:summer nanny/babysitter needed!!must watch and entertain kids during the summer. there are ten kids, ages 7 to 9. preferrably looking for a school teacher off for the summer to teach the kids and provide fun activities.========================================================From Mike Partlow to ***********@**********.orgHello,I am Staff Sgt. Mike Partlow and I am on a six month leave. I have nothing to do back in the states, and watching your kids sounds like fun. I love kids. I have plenty of activities for them and assure you they will always be kept busy. Let me know if you are interested and we can discuss pay.Thanks,SSG Partlow__________________________________________________________________________________________From Donna ******** to MeMr. Partlow,Thanks for responding! I am interested. Do you have any previous experience with kids? What kind of activities would you do? I am looking for something fun and eductational, and some sports for the boys.-Donna__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Partlow to Donna **********Donna,I have lots of experience with kids from my time in the Middle East. I can teach my expertise to your kids through fun games and activities. I can teach them basic weapons training, close quarters combat, explosive ordinance disposal, and hand-to-hand combat. They will have a blast! I will provide the firearms but I would prefer if you pay for the ammunition. I can make the activities fun and educational. Kids really seem to enjoy basic weapons training when you put it in terms they can understand, for example, I used to teach the Middle Eastern kids how to accurately fire an M203 by a modified version of "pin the tail on the donkey." Instead of a tail, it was a 40mm grenade, and instead of "pinning" it, they fired it from a safe distance. I assure you that safety is my number one concern with the kids, but also, them having fun is my top priority.SSG Partlow__________________________________________________________________________________________From Donna ******** to MeIs this a joke? You realize these kids are mostly 7 years old, right?__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Partlow to Donna **********Donna,It is never too early to teach your children these basic life skills. I am aware that they are young and will adjust my program accordingly. We will be mostly using the 5.56mm M16A2, which is a great weapon for children. It is gas operated, so the recoil is minimal, making it a perfect gun for children to use. So what were you thinking as far as pay goes? I don't mean to cut to the chase, but I really need a job.SSG Partlow__________________________________________________________________________________________From Donna ******** to MeThis is absurd. I really hope you aren't serious.I am not interested. Thanks.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Partlow to Donna **********Donna,I am sorry that you are not interested. You may regret this if your child is ever put in a close quarters combat situation, and doesn't even know how to pop a magazine in his rifle.If you change your mind and decide you want your kids to grow up to be men, not pussies, let me know.SSG Partlow
Original ad:im looking for ride from the philadelphia area to pittsburgh next friday. i will split the cost of gas with you. I am female, and would prefer to ride with another female or young(21-ish) person.========================================================From Mike Anderson to ************@*********.orgHey! I am going to Pittsburgh and can give you a ride. Can you meet me at 30th St. Station 11 AM on Friday? By the way, I'm 21, so you don't have to worry about riding with some old creeper.Mike__________________________________________________________________________________________From Melanie ******** to Mehey mike! that sounds good. how much do you want for gas? let me get your number so we can work out the details__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********Melanie,I was thinking around $70 should cover it. Unfortunately I do not have a cell phone because I accidentally forgot to take my pants off when I was taking a bath last night and forgot my cell phone was in the pocket. It won't turn on! Could you just stand outside of the west entrance with a sign that says "I'm Melanie" ? I'll look for you.Mike__________________________________________________________________________________________From Melanie ******** to Mewow i wasnt expecting to pay $70! why so much? i was thinking more around 30-35 bucks! also im not standing out there with a sign__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********Melanie, I'm sorry but the price is not negotiable. Unfortunately the cheapest bus ticket is $70. Do you want to just meet me on the bus if you don't want to stand out there with a sign?__________________________________________________________________________________________From Melanie ******** to Mewhat?! i didnt want to ride a bus! i thought you were driving a car to pittsburgh. wtf dude__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********Well shit Melanie, I didn't think you would be so picky about what kind of vehicle you wanted to ride in. If price is an issue, I can sneak you on the bus. I've done it before with my son. I have a duffel bag that is pretty big, and you can just hide inside it and not move and they will load you under the bus. I'll make sure that they put you on top of all the other luggage so you aren't crushed. You can have my video ipod to stay entertained during the bus ride. It has the first season of Deadwood on it. You aren't fat, are you? I don't want the bag to rip from underneath when they lift it up.Mike__________________________________________________________________________________________From Melanie ******** to Meare you fucking with me? this has to be a joke. there is no fucking way im doing that__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********Oh, you aren't a Deadwood fan? I think I have the Ben Affleck hit "Gigli" on my iPod if you wanted to watch that instead.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Melanie ******** to MeNO! IM NOT SNEAKING ON TO THE FUCKING BUS IN A GODDAMN SUITCASE__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********Okay, I didn't realize you were so sensitive about your weight. If you can't fit in the duffel bag that's fine. I just went and ordered you the bus ticket. It is pretty much first-come first-serve for seating on the bus. You can sit next to me if you want, but I want the window seat. I also have to get up a lot to pee so you will have to get up so I can squeeze out.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Melanie ******** to MeIM NOT RIDING THE BUS! I'LL FIND ANOTHER RIDE__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********Well you owe me $70 for the ticket! I can't return it!__________________________________________________________________________________________From Melanie ******** to MeI NEVER SAID TO BUY IT! THAT IS YOUR FAULT DUDE GOODBYE
Original ad:hi there i am a 22 year old female babysitter looking for a job. i am available pretty much all the time so if you need someone to look after your kid, let me know!=========================================================From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.orgHey,I saw your ad about babysitting and am very interested. My grandmother is in the hospital and is probably going to die. She is never awake when I am there, and the doctors say she is only awake for about 5 minutes every couple of days. The problem is, I need her to sign a re-drafted will I wrote so I can get all of her stuff when she dies. Right now she has all of her money going to my bitch sister and her family. I don't have the time to sit there and watch her all day because I have better things to do. I need you to sit at the hospital and watch her in case she wakes up, and then make her sign the will. I will pay you $10 an hour for this job.Thanks,Tim__________________________________________________________________________________________From ***********@gmail.com to Meno thanks that is sick! show some sympathy you prick!__________________________________________________________________________________________From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.comObviously I am not offering you enough money. I will pay you $15 an hour, but in return I need you to unplug her life support after you get her to sign the will.__________________________________________________________________________________________From ***********@gmail.com to MeYOU ARE FUCKING SICK I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL__________________________________________________________________________________________From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.comYou clearly do not have the right mindset to enter the fast-paced industry of babysitting. I will find a babysitter that has a little bit more balls than you.__________________________________________________________________________________________From ***********@gmail.com to MeFUCK OFF
Original ad:looking for a ride from wilmington to manhattan next wednesday, any time during the day is good. I will pay for all of your gas as compensation.=========================================================From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.orgHello,I am driving to NYC for a business meeting around 10 AM on Wednesday and would be able to give you a ride. Let me know if you still need one.Mike__________________________________________________________________________________________From Chris ******* to Memike, that sounds great. where do you want to meet to pick me up? i can meet you anywhere in wilmington. also, how much do you want for gas?chris__________________________________________________________________________________________Mike Anderson to Chris *******Chris,I shouldn't need too much money for gas. I drive a Hummer H2 with a swapped motor, so gas really isn't a problem. It gets about 4 MPG highway and only takes premium, so I'd say about $100 should cover it.Mike__________________________________________________________________________________________From Chris ******* to Mewhat do you mean gas isnt a problem? 4 mpg is ridiculous. I was expecting to pay like 20 or 30 bucks tops! sorry but I'll have to pass__________________________________________________________________________________________Mike Anderson to Chris ********If you only want to pay 30 bucks, that can get you as far as Exit 7 on the Jersey Turnpike. I can drop you off there, and you can hitchhike the rest of the way. I'm pretty sure hitchhiking is still legal in NJ so it shouldn't be a problem for you. I can pick you up on Naaman's Road in Wilmington by the Target shopping center around 9:30.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Chris ******* to Meare you serious? no I dont want to be dropped off in the middle of the turnpike. forget it__________________________________________________________________________________________Mike Anderson to Chris ********Okay, I can give you a ride to Manhattan for $30, but in return, we need to stop at this guy's house in New Brunswick to get some money that he owes me. He's been dodging my calls, so he probably won't be too willing to give the money when we show up at his house. I need you to stand there and look intimidating so he realizes we mean business. How big are you? You should be at least 5'11 and 200 lbs. You can bring a big friend if you are scrawny, but you should ask him to throw up some gas money too.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Chris ******* to Mewhat the fuck is wrong with you? you sound like a drug dealer. i dont want to ride to manhattan with you__________________________________________________________________________________________Mike Anderson to Chris ********Chris, I'm sorry that you have turned down my ride. I think you should change your ad on ********** to avoid any further confusion. I re-wrote it for you so all you have to do is click "edit" and then paste this where the original ad is:"scrawny man, not capable of intimidating people, looking for a ride from wilmington to new york. not willing to be reasonable in compensation for gas. will most likely complain about stupid stuff the whole ride up"__________________________________________________________________________________________From Chris ******* to Mefuck off asshole
Original ad:i am looking to trade/barter my 1994 Jeep Wrangler. 140k miles, yellow, good condition. NO CASH. I will barter just about anything of equal value!========================================================From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.orgCC: Kira AndersonHey,I saw your ad for a '94 Wrangler for barter. I will trade you my whore of a wife for that car. She is a dirty little slut that fucks just about anything that moves. She doesn't really have much to offer, so I figure she is worth about the price of a used 1994 wrangler. I understand if you think she isn't worth it, so I am willing to throw in $200 cash on top of that. If you are looking for a loose whore that will give it up easily, my wife will be well worth the trade. Let me know if you are interested. Does the Wrangler come with a title?__________________________________________________________________________________________From Jim ***** to MeHa ha! Very funny. I am married and don't think I would be interested in your wife. Thanks for the offer though!__________________________________________________________________________________________From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****OH FUCK YOU MIKE!! DROP FUCKING DEAD!!! YOU ARE SUCH A SCUMBAG PIECE OF SHIT I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****Fuck YOU, you stupid cunt! What are you doing on the computer? I figured you were fucking Steve again. Or how about our neighbor? I'm sure he's looking to stick his dick in some rotten pussy. You fucking twat.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****MIKE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE THIS IS IT. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HOME TODAY BECAUSE ILL BE WAITING WITH A FUCKIN KNIFE__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****Ooh I'm real fucking scared. It might be kind of hard to stab me with 10 inches of black dick in your mouth you fucking WHORE__________________________________________________________________________________________From Jim ***** to Me, Kira AndersonHey you two sound like a great couple and all, but could you stop including me in these e-mails? I really don't think this concerns me.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****TELL YOU WHAT JIM ILL BUY YOUR FUCKING WRANGLER SO I CAN RUN OVER MY PIECE OF SHIT HUSBAND WITH IT__________________________________________________________________________________________From Mike Anderson to Jim *****, Kira AndersonJim don't sell it to her. She'll probably pick up a random dude and crash the jeep while she's sucking his dick.__________________________________________________________________________________________From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****FUCK YOU__________________________________________________________________________________________From Jim ***** to Me, Kira AndersonWill both of you shut the fuck up and stop e-mailing me? Jesus fucking christ man c'mon!
