This is MY thread O_o

[ravenmaddox]

A piece of string walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Get outta here! We don't serve no string in here!"
The piece of string leaves, walks around the corner, doubles himself over and ruffles his ends. He walks back to the same bar and orders a whiskey sour.
Bartender looks up and says "Hey. Aren't you that same piece of string I just threw outta here?"
The string replies "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

 

[MIB]

Confucius once said,

He who have hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Wise man give wife piano, smart man give wife upright organ.

He who goes to bed with hard problem, wake up with solution in hand.

Man who fight with wife all day, gets no peace at night.

MIB

[ravenmaddox]

Here's one for you...

Two guys walk into a bar...
You would think at least one of them would have ducked.

 

[MIB]

Why is a honeymoon like a snow storm?

You don't know how many inches you're gonna get and how long it's gonna last.

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this a joke?"

How do you drown a blond?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

MIB

[nyphonejacks]

i would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long...

[rbcp]

My dick is so long that it goes from A to Z on a keyboard.

[markov]

This water is deep too

[ravenmaddox]

and cold.

[MIB]

and wet.

MIB

[Q_]

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

How do you make a dead baby float? A gallon of root beer and 2 scoops of dead baby.

What's Hellan Keller's most famous quote? Mh-ahwahah, dushmulaha

[ApprenticePhreak]

How do you get 40 dead babies in a jar?

A blender.

How do you get 40 dead babies out of a jar?

Nachos.

[MIB]

Three women were sitting around when one got an idea of giving their husbands nicknames after various brands of soda. The name were going to coincide with how well they were in bed.

The first woman said, "I call mine 7-up because he's up 7 days a week."
The second said, "I call mine Mountain Dew because he is as big as a mountain and always wants to do it."
The third said, "I call mine Jack Daniels."
The other 2 women said, "But that's a hard liquor."
The third, "Yep. that's my Henry."

MIB