1. Gas Tank (If it is not one that locks, then sneak in and open it up). Take a marble, and put it in the gas tank. What this does, is every time that moon cricket steps on the gas of her piece of shit car, the marble blocks the fuel intake forcing the car to stall. This is great because no one ever thinks a little marble can do lots of damage. Also, you can hope that she is in a busy intersection and she gets T-Boned by a tractor trailer.
2. Windshield: Depending on where you live (if it is really cold), take a large piece of saran wrap, some honey, and a paint brush. Take the paint brush and smother it with honey. Then paint the honey all over their windshield. Take the piece of saran wrap, and put it sticky side down on top of the honey. This causes a "permanent glue" type of substance, and they will have to replace their whole windshield. If you do this before a deep freeze, it will never come off.
3. Car Door: If you have a friend who has a history of chest pains / angina, then see if you can score some of their Nitro-Paste (Nitroglycerin). Wear rubber gloves, and put a good amount on the glove fingers. Smear a good layer under the door handle. What this does, it that it is a "trans dermal" system which means it gets absorbed through the skin. It will drop their blood pressure, make them vomit and pass out for a couple hours. If they are on crack, then they will most likely have to go to the hospital because they will be too fucked up to keep living.
4. Hub Caps: Depending on the type of car they have, put a bunch of small screws behind their hubcaps. When they drive there car, all you will hear is clink / clank till they take them out.
5. Hood: There are multiple things to do here
A. Go to a hunting store and pick up Doe Estrus (Urine). Put it where the windshield wipers are (intake) and the front grill. Every time they use their heat, defroster, or air conditioning, it will smell like piss.
B. Take 2 thumb tacks and electrical tape. Put 1 tack under each wiper and tape it so the sharp side meets the window. Do it before a rainy day so no one would think to look. They will use their wipers, and will hear "SCREECH." They will have little rainbow cut marks in the wind shield. Use multiple tacks for a RAINBOW effect.
C. Wait till a hot day. Buy a pack of Oscar Meyer bologna slices. Arrange the slices in a random pattern on their car hood. Hopefully, they say inside and let the sun toast the bologna. There is a chemical in the bologna that causes oxidation of paint. If it stays on long enough, they will have a polka dot pattern all over their hood, which will make their car look fucked up.
For the kid who plays outside alone:
Teach them a lesson on parenting.
Call the Department of Child Services and say an abandoned kid has been left outside for 5 hours. They will send an officer to pick him up, or find the parents and charge them with endangerment of a child. If you can time it right, wait till they are smoking crack so there is probable cause to gain entry and arrest everyone in the
As for the dog:
Before you leave, put the dog in a locked room and close the door. If you can, keep him away from the windows and close the shades.
