Hello fellow pranksters,
I go by Klar. I am a somewhat proud citizen of Tacoma, Wash., a decently sized city living in the shadow of Seattle (not unlike Oakland and Hoboken, etc).
Anyway, I came across the "Hang up the phone" and "In the name of no Jesus" recordings on PLA not long ago.
I was struck with inspiration!
Here's my story of the last few weeks, fueled by long work days and too much caffeine.
I called a friend from a pay phone outside a grocery store one day.
Him: "Hey, what's up."
Me: "Hang up the phone." I didn't disguise my voice.
"No."
"just hang it up now."
"maybe I don't want to." Oh, this is priceless. people rebelling for the sake of rebellion.
"whatever, man."
He was totally mellow. He works a night shift at an ice cream shop on the West Side (what kinda crazy ice cream shop has a night shift?) and I think I woke him up. But it inspired me.
I got home. I brought my accomplice with me. It was *67 time. We literally did this all night, formulating our rules of the game: 1. don't call old people and scare them. 2. don't call anybody and make serious threats. 3. don't do or say anything criminal.
So our first task was to try the Hang Up The Phone again. This time on a woman that just bothered the two of us, so off we were. It was the same situation as above, though she was much more angry. It was fun, indeed.
Then I remembered that I have a macintosh. With a voice synthesizer. I set up a hotkey to speak whatever text is highlighted and fired up TextEdit. A while back I came up with a little jingle about telemarketers that went well with the "Bad News" voice that I would play when junk calls came in. So we called up my accomplice's computer-savvy friend and played it back. All he said was, "Hmm. I don't know who you are, but you have a Mac...." and hung up.
Brilliant.
Our next message: "I'm going to hit you with a ball-peen hammer in your sleep." Our voice? Princess. a high-pitched female synth voice. Called the annoying woman's friend and left a message. Quite eerie.
I tried the Hang Up the Phone again with another friend. It was even funnier because he just says "well maybe I don't
want to!" to everything. He even put on his girlfriend or something (to which I politely asked if she would kindly hang up the phone).
Then I remember Dino Allsman and the emergency message relay. Call up another obnoxious friend with a "message to call ['the maybe I don't want to' guy] immediately. Please press one now to repeat this message." I heard a DTMF tone. He fell for it! I highlight and repeat. I talked to him later, and he said he was too afraid to call "in case it was bad news."
So I gave it a rest a little.
Part II:
Then last week I was out with some friends. after eating, we went over to The Spanish Steps and did some more calls. I was demonstrating the magic of "Hang Up the Phone."
Called said obnoxious woman. "What the f*** is your problem, man?" and hung up. So we tried calling a guy most of us knew, but got a few wrong numbers (with humorous HUTP responses). We finally got through.
Me: "Hey, is this ____?"
Him: "yea."
Me (slurred speech): "Hang up the phone."
"What? why?"
"just hang it up now, man. hang it up. the phone."
"what phone? what are you talking about?"
"hang it up, motherf****er."
Him (Indian accent, think Apu): "Vat are you talking about sir?"
"I'm gonna hit you with a ball-peen hammer.."
"You will hit me with a hammer until my balls turn red, sir? that is not very nice."
We were being prank called back.
This went on for 15 minutes. we got bored and I just shut up. he started saying hello,asking if I was still there.
"Yes, this is AT&T Wireless customer service, how can I help you?"
"What? I was just on the phone, and you cut in.."
"Sir, you called us."
"No, I didn't... what?"
At this point, my friend whispered "God is making a poo on you!" in the mouthpiece. So much for that."
The accent came back.
"There is no poo, sir."
"Hold on, I'm gonna hand the phone to my supervisor." I gave it to my friend. More madness ensued. I got sick of it and hung up.
Fast forward to today.
Pt. III
The two of us are hanging around a streetcar stop, though the Link has long stopped running. We get bored. It's late. (this is a few hours ago) We try calling the India guy. No answer. The computer guy. No answer. We call some guy neither of us really knew well and try the HUTP; he gets angry. No fun.
Then the ice-cream guy's girlfriend.
See, at work, a good chunk of my time is spent answering phone calls because nobody else around the office will. Hey, it's a small company (though not as small as my previous place of work where i was one of three guys). So I get a lot of telemarketers and the occasional prank call. One telemarketer went something like this: "Good morning, this is your captain speaking. I'd like to announce that you've just won two free tickets to the bahamas! Please hold."
so I tried that.
"Hello, it's ___."
"Hello, is this (full name)?"
"yea...."
"This is your captain speaking and...." I crack up. so I default to repeating "Cactus." Click.
oh,
that went well.
Oh well. How about another obnoxious friend of mine? No answer on cell.
So we call his mother.
This time I do a high-pitched voice with a distinct speech impediment. Think "ambugers and wootbeer" toned down a bit.
"Hello, ___ residence."
"yes, yes, is ____ there?" The 'r' came out as a 'w'.
"yeah, yeah, hold on. _____!" I was in luck! he was there!
"uh, hello?"
"hi, is this ____?"
"uh, yea?"
"I beweve you have my gewbiwl."
"What gerbil?"
"I wost him. He gone now. His name is Woy." You know what Gerbil everyone knows and loves.
this goes on for a while. Then I start to introduce myself again.
"dis is Fwed. I wost my gewbiwl. his name Woy. I miss him."
"I'm sorry sir, i can't help you."
Then I get louder. and start to cry on the phone."
"I weawwy weawwy need him...he my gerwbiwl...pweeeaseeee..."
Really loud and really frantic and he hangs up.
Let's call the obnoxious woman again.
Four rings.
Her: "F*** YOU!" *click*
Okay then.
Now that that's over with. I call back and leave a message. Whispering "f***....you....". Quite subtle, if I do say so myself.
We walk past the UPS store at the Convention Center. That reminded me again. Yesterday I had to call DHL to get a pickup scheduled to our office. I
thought I was talking to an actual operator, but noooo, it was one of those smooth-talking voice recognition IVM systems or whatever. Hmmm, maybe we could do the relay prank again, this time with my own voice? I think it would work.
I write down a script (in a bus schedule book). That always helps. My friend picks a random number from his contacts.
Someone I knew from years and years back and haven't seen since.
Here goes.
I use an airy voice like the DHL voice.
"This is the (insert large long-distance carrier here) Emergency Relay Service. Please have a pen and paper ready. When you do, just say 'Ready.' "
"uuh, ready."
"Okay. (That's one thing that bugged me about the DHL system) You have recieved an emergency message prompting you to call 'xxxxx' (This was the name of the guy who was at his mother's house when we called. I had my friend speak it to make it sound like it was recorded) at XXX-XXX-XXXX (I said each letter slowly, like a machine reading it off) concerning 'Roy Gerbil' (once again, I had my cohort speak it). If you would like to have that number repeated, please say 'Repeat.'"
"...."
"thank you for using AT&T." *click*.
Friend: "Now what?"
Me: "Now we wait. We won't know until we do some digging, hm?
So home we headed. I fix myself a snack around 11PM and the phone rings.
"DUDE. (the woman I called posing as AT&T) just posted a bulletin about it on MySpace."
"No effin way. This is priceless."
I have her on my list. We went to school together years ago. I hate that accursed website.
I run over to my iBook and sure enough, there it was:
haha, we made our mark. Finally, some visible proof of the fruits of our labor!
As I was writing this, my friend sent me a message to check the website we all love to hate again for another bulletin.
It was the girl I Cactus'ed.
You know, I'm thinking I might just do that.
Meanwhile, the man we believed to have our furry friend captive contacted the both of us via instant messaging not long ago. He asked me if I had called him, because a man who was "less than mentally capable" had called him concerning a gerbil and it apparently sounded like me. I told him I no longer own a gerbil, but it sounded strange. Our conversation concluded with him imploring me why I "work so much."
He messaged my friend and said that "he also said something about choking me at some point. So I'm like, 'f***, get out of this phone call!'"
Though Fred did no such thing; he was just upset he couldn't find his gerbil. But even if he were violent, you gannot be injured over the phone.
Have a good night all, and I'll keep you posted for future developments.
My next topic: I have an apartment in a restored formerly abandoned brick midrise. And it's got one hell of a phone nextwork. photos ensue.
