Thanks trev.
The WUA-2340 kinda blows, so that was an "if I can't get my Ralink card working". I'm familiar with wireless networking, so it's not like I'm stupid. The 2340, however, uses a completely unsupported chipset, so the only choice is to run ndiswrapper for that card.
The WUA-1340 uses the... rt40 (

) driver, I think. It's definitely a Ralink. The problem is, though, that the 2.6x kernel dropped full support for that driver just like the rt2570 because the legacy drivers are made for non-SMP kernels and the beta drivers aren't yet stable enough to package with the new kernel for most distros.
And trev, I wanted to run xfce because, for major desktop environments, it and kde are much easier on the memory than GNOME(gde) is. I like fluxbox/blackbox, too, and I tried that as well. The notebook I'm doing this on is an HP Pavillion that's about 5-7 years old with a Celeron processor and 768(?)MB RAM. The mini-pci card was removed, as well. Because of this, I'm also giving preference to either systems still using a legacy kernel or systems that are more lightweight and have only basic productivity tools. I have enough RAM that I should be able to run most smaller/older distros completely in RAM and still feel like I have a decent machine.
I tried:
Ubuntu Hoary, Gutsy, Feisty, and Dapper (I can't find my Edgy CD). In Hoary/Gusty/Feisty, the system locks up using the WUA-2340 using the recommended version of ndiswrapper (suggested on the sourceforge site) compiling from source. Dapper sorta works, but I really don't like Dapper.
Now, Kubuntu and Xubuntu are both supposed to have support yet for the rt2570 driver (at least, they were supposed to for feisty and dapper), so I tried those. Xubuntu wouldn't even recognize a device was inserted (Ubuntu would, but it would keep searching for DHCP offers if I had it on and would just lock up if I used a static ip). Kubuntu Dapper kinda sux, and Kubuntu Gusty and Hoary both won't boot on my computer - the liveCD freezes about halfway through no matter what.
Damn Small Linux and Damn Small Linux - NOT. I'd LOVE these if I could get networking to work, but DSL is A) Still the 2.4 kernel (so I can't use beta drivers) and B) An SMP Kernel (so I can't use legacy drivers) for my two Ralink cards, and the packaged version of ndiswrapper doesn't recognize my windriver with my 2340. I'm running DSL off of a pendrive, and after an hdd install attempt, grub won't load and my machine just sits dead. I've tried it twice following both the official (in the bootup on the liveCD) and the wiki instructions to no avail.
Bonzai - LiveCD doesn't boot. Tried burning two different versions, each twice. None booted. Fuck that.
Gnewsense - a completely free system, it's basically just Ubuntu Dapper without any proprietary graphics, sound, or video drivers. It states in the release notes that the rt2570 driver is still supported, but the network config tool didn't recognize that I had the device inserted (though lsusb listed it), and I just got an error with wlan0 and rausb0.
Lame.