Ok, just as a warning: This is STILL going on as far as I know!
So I was surfing the Ain't It Cool News website again like I normally do when I want to see hilarious responses to fanboy news. One of them was the review for the horrible new Christmas turd called The Spirit and how much it sucked.
So this guy named KurtLockwood (WTF KIND OF NAME IS THAT?) comes on and starts talking shit. Shit like...
I personally believe that Miller's THE DARK KNIGHT is second only to WATCHMEN as the greatest comic series ever but whoever thought THE SPIRIT was good movie material was seriously reaching
...and...
but I had never heard of THE SPIRIT before and I am a comics nut. The source material is too dated (think Alec Baldwin's The Shadow, who gave a fuck?)and the character is too plain to take full advantage of this film genre
So people start calling bullshit on him and...well he does not take it very well.
I'm not here to argue my geek cred with you. BUT. I have nearly a thousand comics I collected during the 80's. I admit anything pre- late 70's or post late 80's I have knowledge gaps but I was there for every all the important watershed series of the 80's. To me, and most of the populace, Eisner is not as famous as say Alan Moore, in comparison, Eisner is indeed esoteric and niche. And one doesn't have to be comics savante with encyclopedic knowledge of every nook and cranny to be considered a "comics nut," imho, but if it pleases you I will demote myself to "comics enthusiast," does that satisfy your girlish delicate sensiblities? sheesh. Besides, The Spirit character is still boring and dated. So nyah nyah nyah and Merry Fucking Christmas.
...and it gets worse...
...get so entrenched in your geek foxholes that I think maybe you kinda lose perspective. I know the comic awards are called the Eisner's, but I'm sorry, I never collected Jack Kirby's work either, it's revered, but it just wasn't my era. I'm 38 now so the Alan Moore is only famous to people in their teens and 20's statement is way off. And it may be taboo to say around here particularly with the older geeks but I don't like The Phantom, I don't like The Shadow and I don't like The Spirit. That whole era just bores me death. Maybe there's some gold in those ancient issues but I think read from a modern perspective unless this lights up some nostalgiac bliss for you, taken on it's own merits in near 2009, yes, from what I've seen The Spirit character just wasn't interesting enough to merit a whole movie.
Yeah, you know why I don't research ancient, racist, crusty comics like The Spirit online? Because unlike the 80's, I am now a father (it happens sometimes when you have this thing called SEX, you should try it, it really rocks!). Anyway, I have replaced my passion for movies and comics with my passion for raising my one year old son, but that doesn't mean that as a "comics enthusiast" I can't still think that The Spirit sucks ass and just because greater artists built upon his work, it doesn't mean Eisner's works translate today. And if you challenge my geek cred again I will have to forcefuck your throat like Ash did to Ripley near the end of Alien with my ancient issues of Bantha Fodder, how's that for "fan boy," Mr.Pink? I am now laughing and it's out loud because what was said previously is so funny.. Ok, now, I'm really going to bed. "God bless us, everyone..."
So of course, I had to chime in with my own logic because this guy sounds like FUN!
I hope that in the future, that that shit brat you call a child will grow up and have children. And in that future, your grandchildren end up being a "comic nut" like you. You feel proud, and even more proud that they are going to re-release Watchmen in Holographic Format and reissue an actual printed release of the Watchmen comic. So you show your kids the Watchmen comic book, you take them to see the movie and you tell them what it was all about. And guess what? Your grandchildren will hate it. They will not understand it. To them, Watchmen is not modern enough to be translated into holographics. Other great writers have taken and written way better material by the time they were born. They find it sexist against women, do not understand the slang and dress, and are confused as why there are towers in the NYC skyline. And who the fuck was Ronald Regan? The art is crappy; not hip in their time, the writing is too wordy and just everything is "old, crusty, ancient out of date" and thus "it sucks" to your grandchildren. And you have to put up with this in horror, that your offspring in the future do not understand the Watchmen. That like you back then, here and now in 2008, you hated The Spirit for the same reasons these kids hate Watchmen: Because they (and you) did not understand that during their respective time periods how revolutionary they where. In short, fuck you and I hope your kid dies in a car fire. At least then your stupidity will not pass on to future generations of humans.
Then he responded...with PURE gold:
Hey guys, I know you think you are really cool wishing death on my one year old son and coming up with really neato fantasies on how he could die. I mean, a one year old boy dying in a carfire? HILARIOUS! Where did you get that awesome imagination? You guys must be really tough dudes. Well I want to give you a chance to see just how tough you really are. I wanna be the first person to actually kill a talkbacker from AICN. So why don't you two shout me a holler at kurtlockwood@aol.com and we'll make arrangements so that I can fly to wherever you are and you can say all your lovely deathwishes about my son to my face. I know you won't pursue this because you are at heart cowardly pussies with no lives and just "internet tough" but just once, I'd like to pull a Jay and Silent Bob on you nobodies and come to your house (or your place of choice) and rip your fucking lungs out thru your throat. Maybe for laughs, I'll set a car on fire and toss YOU in it. Seriously, you guys need major, major therapy. It's not funny to wish death on someone's kid over a disagreement in geek tastes and it should get you banned from here but I'd like to take it even further. So c'mon let's see if you are as tough as you type. We ALL know the answer that you are NOT but I just want it crystal fucking clear that I called you out on here and you two just ran and hid or bullshitted some more until the big bad man went away like the spineless turds you are. How dare I wanting to literally kill you for you wishing horrible death threats on my boy, right? What fucking lowlifes. No one will miss you. Anyway, sweethearts I'll be waiting for that contact info (not that I expect you to step up, pussies never do.)
So I posted him to a link to (
http://encyclopediadramatica.c om/Internet_tough_guy) to get him in touch with his phail self. So he comes back with the most epic Ebaum phrase ever:
nice dodge-SIDEPOCKET THE COWARDLY PUSSY showin ur tru colors pussyboi
And I go:
Only when you learn to use spelling and grammar. Man your kid is going to be robbed of communication skills if this is what papa sounds like. No wonder why back then people though comic's ruined young minds with people like you. XD
So he puts his little brain to work and:
SIDEPOCKET EATS BUMJIZZ You're so lame. I call u an internet tough guy so u call me one? lame. Whatsamatter unless u r envisioning folks' kids dying in carfires u have nothing to say? if u only had the guts to say it to my face i would squeeze your neck with my bare hands until your eyes popped out of your head. I wanna kill u so bad u have no idea. No, I mean it, I would really cut your fucking throat you hateful mentally diseased nobody. Karma will get u if I don't get u first, bitch.
So at this point I am shaking in my wee little footies (
I am now laughing and it's out loud because what was said previously is so funny.) and I add more cacti to the fire.
I am not an internet tough guy. I'm an internet asshole, duh! What makes me different from you (besides intelligence, good looks, ect) is that I did not post my E-Mail so I could describe how I would physically kill you IRL. That is an internet tough guy to a T. Apparently you have no concept of meaning on the words that escape your face. Anyhow, we are also standing by the fact that Watchmen is old, crusty, boring and as I later pointed out, SEXIST! It's just starting now and you wait long enough, it will be 100%. So your point, besides amusing the fuck out of me with your outlandish lulz worthy comments? XD
So his record breaks and I fall down laughing after this one:
Sidepocket-what a dodge. What you are really typing is this "I have to spin my way out of this because if I actually did back up my tough words by giving this guy my contact info I have no doubt that when I showed up he would cut my fucking throat and I'm just a pussy coward who likes to imagine people's children dying in carfires on Christmas eve because they disagree with my opinion." Well, you are truly horrible, horrible human being and you are right if you were to actually give me your true address you would be dead and the world would be a better place without scum like you in it. So like I said, karma will get you if I don't get you first, at the very least you should be banned. lulz.
And that is our story so far kids. For the entire piece so far, you can read it below!
http://www.aintitcool.com/talkback_display/39573You can E-Mail him if you want. I just want to hold off because I am thinking of picking some random guy's address and E-Mail him to claim where I live. I wonder if he will actually go through with it. Poor guy on the receiving end but holy fuck would I laugh my ass off and then my bum would join me in the lulz!
To Be Continued!
