Hi. My name is Gwonk. It is rumored that I am dead and that I am the victim of many small clowns which crawled out of the walls that hacked me to bits with tiny chainsaws. The truth is that the clowns have clustered as a conglomerate bone structure which now supports my ample body as I meander to and fro. As I continue in my existence, I find that sometimes the clowns wear happy faces (when I am sleeping) and the clowns wear normal faces (as I sit) and the clowns frown (as I jog, run, or lift heavy objects).
I would like to take this opportunity to tell you all about my personal lord and savior, our Jesus Clown who the jews so mercilessly whipped and beat to death on a cross which was made of something other than clowns. He was also stabbed with spears. Jesus was so great that he said "Forgive them for not making the cross from clowns." He was also so great that he said "Forgive Gwonk for not reading the rules and knowing not to speak of religion, especially clown religion, for he knows not what he do."
I, personally, cannot forgive myself, from spreading the word of clown Christianity. Jesus Clown, our lord, forgives me readily for any sin I commit on forums. Be it ALL CAPS or l3eT Sp3aK, he may cry, but I know that he is going to just smile and squirt me in the face with the flower he wears on his lapel.
