Author Topic: Now Hiring: Steel Building Erector  (Read 2047 times)

Offline ravenmaddox

  • Quoth the RaVeN
  • PLA Corporate Drone
  • *****
  • Posts: 418
  • 1337 13V3L: +26/-51
  • In the Internets no one can hear you scream
    • Quoth the RaVeN
Now Hiring: Steel Building Erector
« on: June 10, 2014, 03:35:01 AM »
One of the companies I work for is a steel building contractor who is currently hiring and looking for experienced hands. I thought it might be funny if someone were to call up looking for a job and tell them that they have tons of experience with metal roofing / paneling and connecting assembling steel framing. Certified Fork lift operator, boom / crane operator and experienced foreman running a crew of average 6 guys, etc. The hook is that they are really looking for experienced lead men to run crews right now, and I can give some more info for name dropping purposes.

My thought was to get them all interested and then say you had a few questions requests for example:

1) You have a chronic meth addiction and need to verify that someone in the office or in the field will be able to supply your habit at reasonable price / quality

2) You need every wednesday afternoon off early because that is when the junior high cheer leaders practice. No you do not have a wife or daughter, but you are trying to stay apprised of potential dates

3) Does the company do drug testing and if so what drugs have they tested and found to be most effective at motivating employees to come to work each day

4) Is a safety harness and hardhat required or will your wal-mart bag parachute and aluminum foil hat suffice (the foil doubles as a method of ingesting your meth!)

5) When staying overnight out of town are prostitutes provided by the company as part of the per diem or will you have to provide your own

6) a criminal history truly is not a bar from employment, but maybe offer a creative criminal history, perhaps involving children, old people, animals, duct tape, barb wire, scissors, and the lost episodes of MASH...

7) will your chronic masturbation pose any problem

8) your ideas of positive and negative reinforcement in training employees involve the use of sex... you like to reward the employees for a hard days work by giving them all blow jobs, because you are and experience pivot man and as punishment the employee showing the least amount of production will be that day's pivot man

Those are just a few of the insane ideas popping in my head this morning (don't judge!)

But if anyone is interested in doing this prank (I can't since I work here) PM me and I will provide phone numbers and whom to call and I can record (video!) of the reaction on this side. Arby and I had toyed with a similar idea before - the video recording of the other side of the prank - and I still think it is a great idea. Any takers?!?
Jesus Fucking Christ! Are you an idiot or just trying to be funny?

--- Quoth the RaVeN --- 2008.12.30 ---
http://www.RaVeNMaDDoX.com

Offline ravenmaddox

  • Quoth the RaVeN
  • PLA Corporate Drone
  • *****
  • Posts: 418
  • 1337 13V3L: +26/-51
  • In the Internets no one can hear you scream
    • Quoth the RaVeN
Re: Now Hiring: Steel Building Erector
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2014, 06:30:35 AM »
I have my new plan for this rainy day and see if anything good gets recorded... I am going to call various construction companies in the area to see if they are hiring. Tell them I provide goods and services to keep their employees motivated. Motivated to work hard and to return to work daily in order to earn enough to purchase more good and services. I'm going to play it by ear until and just see what happens. Hilarity will ensue or I promise to open a fifth of Jack and simply not give a damn...
Jesus Fucking Christ! Are you an idiot or just trying to be funny?

--- Quoth the RaVeN --- 2008.12.30 ---
http://www.RaVeNMaDDoX.com

Offline rbcp

  • Head Custodian
  • Administrator
  • Ninja Phone Loser
  • *****
  • Posts: 5259
  • 1337 13V3L: +454/-81
  • I'm not stupid! I'm not stupid! Hematology!
    • Homepage
Re: Now Hiring: Steel Building Erector
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2014, 09:41:04 AM »
I guess I have to do it since I'm the only other person who posts on the forums.  Send me the numbers.  I can't do it today, but I'll see about tomorrow.

It's too bad Carlito doesn't do shows anymore, because he's awesome at asking about jobs.