this is my flame against emo/scenester kids...
this is my guide to being "scene"
first and foremost, your AIM screen name should be some rad song title and/or lyric. Remember, the more x's you have in it, the more scene you are.
Next, go buy yourself some girl's jeans. Face it, the tighter your jeans are, the more scene you will be, and the more the hardcore kids will hate you for it. Try on a pair of jeans and find that you're a perfect woman's 2? Buy a woman's 0 and suck it in.
After you buy your jeans, go straight to Hot Topic and buy every single band shirt they have. Even if you've never listened to the band, or worse, never head of them either. [Being scene, you're supposed to know every single band in the scene. Duh.] If people ask you about them, just say you like the "old stuff" and no one will ever know that you actually hate Norma Jean. Never buy anything larger than a Youth Medium. Ever.
Dont forget to pick up a white leather belt on your way out!
So, now you're dressed pretty scene, but how's your hair? Is it dyed black? Maybe with some bleach-blonde streaks? Do your bangs cover one of your eyes? If you answered no to any of these, shut up, grab a pair of scissors, and chop away. Never go and get your hair done, ALWAYS do it yourself.
Good job. Now your hair is the sex. But, your look wont get you anywhere if you dont know how to dance. And by dance, I mean beat the crap out of people. First of all, you need to make sure you claim your space in the pit. As the band starts, push everyone back and scream something obscene. Then you need to start to pace the pit just so everyone knows that you can move in your pants. Pacing the pit involves doing a half walk-half skip across the room, while looking downwards and shaking your head. But dont mess up your hair.
Then, when the time is right [trust me, you'll know when] throw your arm back and hopefully, you'll hit someone in the face.
5 scene points if his nose bleeds.
Begin two-stepping. If you dont know how to two-step, you might as well leave and go practice in your living room in front of a mirror until you get it. Add some sweet floor-punches and a couple spin-kicks into the crowd, and you're set. Notice how I didnt mention the windmill. It's because that everyone knows that everyone is able to do the windmill. Too bad.
Now for the pile up! As everyone runs up to the stage, make sure you go last so you can be that cool kid on top of the pile. If you dont know the words to the song, fake it, and hope that its just screaming.
Your job is done.
Stand in the middle of the floor, with your arms crossed and survey the scene.
Good job, scene. Good job.
So you're offically labeled an bunshole now that you've given a couple of people black eyes. That's ok, that's the point.
Now that you're back home, go straight for your computer and immediately check your myspace. Get really pissed off when you dont have any friend requests, and get even more pissed off when no one has left you a comment in the 6 hours you werent home. Figure its because you havent updated your pictures in a couple of weeks and go take some more. Take about 80, but use the 2 most flattering ones. Remember, the more skin you show, or if you're sitting on the toilet, the more comments you will get.
Go outside and have a cig break and redraw the black X's on your hands. Afterall, you ARE straightedge. Everyone KNOWS cigs dont count!
Look up at the stars, sigh, and thank god that you're not emo.
Even though you really are.
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The Typical Scene Boy:
Hi my name is Stupid fucking Poser. I'm really insecure so I'm gonna dye my hair black and grow it long so it covers my face because I'm so fucking ugly that no one would like me if it wasn't hidden. And I love following the crowd so I buy girl jeans that don't fit my disgusting body and my small prick is pressed tight against the zipper for all the 14 year old girls to see. God I'm SO SPECIAL AND UNIQUE.
My best friend is my flat iron and pomade.
I don't eat carbs but I like The Faint and underage drinking.
My favorite activity is shopping for Converse and trying not to let my pretend girlfriend know that I'm a fucking faggot .
And every time I go to clubs I have to be REALLY wasted and completely drunk because I secretly have NO personality and all my friends really HATE ME because all I ever do it make out with random ugly kids who are really 15 but somehow got into the club.. and of course I make out with boys that look EXACTLY like me because its cool to pretend I'm something I'm not. When I go to Club 82, I pay $8 to sit outside of a patio and smoke other people's cigarettes and talk poo about everyone that has their back turned to me.
When I finally decide to dance to all those lame 80's songs, I try to dance but really I'm just having a fucking seizure to look cool, even though it never works. I swing my arms in the air and shuffle my feet like I have fucking Parkinson's.. and I always pick the dumbest sluttiest girl to grind my crotch against. HEHE.
Sound familiar?
Yeah kill yourself before someone else does.
...
The Typical Scene Girl:
Hey everyone, is my hair dyed 5 different colors and cut at different angles? Are you sure my neon plastic earrings match my high heels and bra straps because I would CRY if I didn't fit in with every other whore I know. Should we only talk about boys and clothes and stuff? LIKE OMG ok.
I like vertical stripes and pony tails. I love leg warmers and anything asymmetrical. I wear shirts with only one sleeve and poke-dot mini skirts so you can see my vagina when I try and dance to the Cure.
Sometimes I'll dye my hair one bright color in front or in the back so you notice me more but really I'm just trying to look cool so everyone stares and points. Oh wait it doesn't work because I'm just a stupid bitch with no style. *twirls hair*
And when I date guys or make out with them: they HAVE to wear eyeliner and tight t-shirts. They HAVE to have more than 1000 friends on My Space and drive a car past the year 2000 because that's all that matters. No one cares about feelings, just m'kay me in my plastic bunshole and tell me how cute I am when my lipstick rubs off on your penis. *pops gum*
I live in Orange County and I'm still in high school but somehow I got a fake ID so I'm SO awesome!! My favorite hang out is Club Bang where I can dance in front of all my internet friends and show how dumb I am. I'm better then everyone else because I know the lyrics to EVERY retarded song played and I can even shake it like one of those trolls in a Lil' Jon music video.
But whatever, I'll just show my tits and everyone will be ok.
Sound familiar?
Yeah I should piss on your face next time any of you get near me.
There IS no goddamn 'scene' anymore. Realize it. Accept it. The 'scene' has been taken over and killed by the people who don't belong and don't know shit. And yea, I'm probably talking about YOU.
Bands like My Chemical Romance make me sick. All MCR is...is a Good Charlotte rip-off. Yea, I said it. They're nothing more than fat goth wannabes that found that poppunk is the new thing...as long as your 'singer' sounds like Cartman fighting a cat in a blender. Emo, emocore, screamo, whatever. It's shit.
And realize that bands like Atreyu, Norma Jean, Poison the Well, Scars of Tomorrow, War of Ages, etc are NOT NOT NOT hardcore. IT's called 'metalcore' (another fuckin lame ass label used to sell music). And yea, I like it. But I realize there's a difference.
I'm tired of these fuckin' kids that claim to be 'hXc' and dont' know SHIT about hardcore or it's history. The ones that ask someone if they're band sounds like Atreyu...yea, fuck them. The 'scene' was originally something you could be proud to be a part of...now, it's a rotting corpse that LOOKS like something that used to be novel...
And it's your fault...
The nerve of some people drives me insane. Fuck you. I can go where I want to. Deal with it.
Fuck pit dancing, ESP two-stepping. If I see two-steppers at a show that I go to, I'm singling them out and breaking their nose.
Fuck the scene. It's dead. Realize it. Deal with it.
Fuck scene kids. You make me sick. Don't get me wrong...I'd fuck your women. But I still hate you.
Fuck you if you're offended by any of this. It's called opinionated.
Fuck Doom. That movie blew.
Fuck red and black hair. I did it for 4 years. Now everyone that made fun of it does it. Fuck it. I'm going black and brown. 6 months later...everyone else will too.
Fuck immaturity.
Fuck Cullman and all of its overly dramatic residents. It's life, not a goddamn soap opera.
Fuck Underoath. Old and new. And anyone who likes it.
Fuck the new Lamb of God music. Burn the Priest was better.
Fuck Atreyu, Breand New, Boys Night Out, Beloved, The Used, The Ataris, any other band with the word 'The' in their name, Norma Jean, Haste the Day, Bury Your Dead, A Perfect Murder, anyone on Trustkill and/or Victory. And fuck your band too.
Fuck Communism, Nazis, Republicans, Socialists, Democrats, reporters, anyone involved in the media for that matter, dictators, oil owners, Saudis, and McDonalds...they refuse to get an order right.
Fuck vegans. Don't tell me I can't eat a steak.
Fuck sXe. You're a joke and no one likes you. Including God.
Fuck religion. I got mine, I don't want yours. Yes, I believe in God. But I don't want to hear your interpretation of Him.
Fuck people who cause others to feel stupid just b/c they're around.
Fuck drama.
Fuck you.
Fuck everything mentioned here and lots more.
