OK so here's my story. I'm at work and my buddy there decides to google my name because he's not very productive. I generate 3 hits, the first two of which aren't me. The last is me alright, and it looks like a record in some database with my full name and mailing address. The domain?
www.astroglide.com.
He asks "what's astroglide?" and I'm kind of shocked because I thought everyone uses astroglide. I tell him "dude, it's sex lube. What do you use?". He looks totally confused and says "nothing". "Seriously nothing? What's that good for, like 15 minutes? What do you do when the well runs dry?" He says, a little defensively, "Hey I have a kid, everything's working fine for me".
So I look at the site with my name in it and it's no longer available. No worries, google cache to the rescue! I click and am presented with a list of about 2000 names and addresses, and the name of the file itself is "astro_batch_10182004.txt". Yeah, I kind of remember ordering a free sample of that "Astroglide warming liquid" crap around 2004. It gave me a burning-genital sensation that reminded me of how they described STDs in high school health class.
Of course I check the containing directory, and, Lo! there's some newer files in there! Well really only one that has actual customer data:
http://www.astroglide.com/Data/SilkenSecretSummary.txt . It looks like a big huge list of people who have requested samples of their "Silken Secret" product. And, even better, it has extra data fields like gender and "reason for trying" ("Vaginal Dryness", "Intimate Activity", etc).
For my convenience the list was already available on that site as an excel spreadsheet for easy filtering (
http://www.astroglide.com/Data/SilkenSecretSummary.xls), so I immediately filtered for females in my area aged 18-25 who listed "Vaginal Dryness" as their reason for requesting. Now, there are no phone numbers in the list, but most of the name/address combos are easily found in any white-pages web site. So I got a few numbers and called some on my way home from work, only one answered and she did seem to remember ordering an astroglide sample. She wasn't happy that an 'astroglide rep' was calling her at home about a problem with her sample order and she definitely wasn't happy when I asked her specific questions about the moisture level in her vagina. It was somewhat funny but I hate using my phone when I'm driving.
So then I got home and took a good hard bong-rip, ordered a pizza and wrote this long winded stoner post, because it's been a while since I've read the PLA site and I'm also a little too busy lately to make good use of the list. And so I hereby offer it up in the hopes that it will be amusing for someone.
Thank you for reading, and have a nice day!
