Author Topic: omg plz hlp asap  (Read 5010 times)

Offline spessa

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omg plz hlp asap
« on: March 26, 2008, 05:22:34 PM »
Dear Jammie:

I have a friend who is practically 30 but still thinks that people should lavish her with praises and affection on her birthday.  I don't want to hurt her feelings by directly saying "jesus christ, woman, birthdays are for CHILDREN and it's time to stop expecting people to treat you like a child who just turned 4."  So instead, I decided to post this to her "advice column" on internets, where she was trolling for birthday attention a little earlier today.  Any advice appreciated.

Love,

Spessa

Offline Nod

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2008, 05:51:14 PM »
Get some new legs?
I HATE the bridge.
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Offline jammie

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2008, 07:38:23 AM »
Dear Jammie:

I have a friend who is practically 30 but still thinks that people should lavish her with praises and affection on her birthday.  I don't want to hurt her feelings by directly saying "jesus christ, woman, birthdays are for CHILDREN and it's time to stop expecting people to treat you like a child who just turned 4."  So instead, I decided to post this to her "advice column" on internets, where she was trolling for birthday attention a little earlier today.  Any advice appreciated.

Love,

Spessa

Dear Spessa,

Thanks for the birthday attention! :)

And who says birthdays are just for children?  Maybe when you have kids they are.  I love birthdays though.  I think people who are closer to 30 probably appreciate birthdays more than kids that just turned 4.  Do you remember your 4th birthday?  I sure don't.

So advice... I guess if this person really is your friend, then just concentrate on the things about them that you like and stop trying to change the things about them that you can't.  I am sure they do the same for you :)

Love,
jammie

Offline Zazen

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2008, 05:16:50 PM »
I just turned 28 too, and fuck you for being all cheery about it! Birthdays are dismal shit. Your life expectancy is about 80 and you're already more than a third through. Mines only 70-something and it's probably lower what with all the pot and no excersize. I might be halfway done already. Plus the end years are just being all senile and doped up from the hundred prescriptions that let you get that old in the first place. There's a good chance of getting some degenerative disease and suffering really badly for that last stretch. And what do we do now? We work our asses off for a comfortable retirement, so we can pay for all of those meds and bingo sessions and adjustable beds while we wait to die!

so happy fucking birthday!

Offline Nod

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2008, 10:48:56 PM »
I can't wait to get get Alzheimer's disease. Then I'll get to meet new people all the time. Plus I'll be able to give kids the middle finger whenever I want and no one will care as long as I look happy doing it.
I HATE the bridge.
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Offline murd0c

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2008, 06:46:09 AM »
I can't wait to get get Alzheimer's disease. Then I'll get to meet new people all the time. Plus I'll be able to give kids the middle finger whenever I want and no one will care as long as I look happy doing it.

Quote that film all you want, it still doesn't make you funny.

Offline Tachyon

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2008, 07:56:28 AM »
I used to think the same way, but now I think it'd be far more awesome to just PRETEND I'm senile to get things done for me. That way, if somebody decided I was too annoying and tried to bump me off, I could bribe them with medication.
Do you speak two languages?

"Detective Don Gombo: IM AFRAID THE ONLY ONE "F" IS "U" MY FRIEND. WELCOME TO THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE WEB!"

Offline jammie

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2008, 05:11:55 PM »
I just turned 28 too, and fuck you for being all cheery about it! Birthdays are dismal shit. Your life expectancy is about 80 and you're already more than a third through. Mines only 70-something and it's probably lower what with all the pot and no excersize. I might be halfway done already. Plus the end years are just being all senile and doped up from the hundred prescriptions that let you get that old in the first place. There's a good chance of getting some degenerative disease and suffering really badly for that last stretch. And what do we do now? We work our asses off for a comfortable retirement, so we can pay for all of those meds and bingo sessions and adjustable beds while we wait to die!

so happy fucking birthday!

You know, you remind me of this friend of mine that went on and on the other day about how angry he was with the government and how big brother was watching, the dollar is going to be replaced with the Amero because of something that got signed in 2005, if he gets a new passport he is going to press it to break the microchip inside and soon enough we're all going to be barcoded.  I told him I really don't care about politics and he went on and on about how it's because of people like me that just roll over that all this horrible stuff is going to happen.  I simply pointed out to him that instead of being angry now for all the freedoms I'm not going to have in the future, I'm the one not being angry and enjoying my freedoms now.

I think the same kind of concept applies with birthdays.  Yeah, getting old sucks, but why be angry about it NOW?  Make the most of every moment.  Be all Dead Poet Society and Carpe Diem!   *bangyourhead* And if you're going to smoke pot and not exercise, just go "fuck yeah that's right and I fucking ENJOYED IT" and know it was worth those couple of years you won't have later.  Better than worrying about it and losing another few cause you're all angry and stressed out.

Offline rbcp

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2008, 07:15:57 PM »
I'm enjoying my years pretty good without actually celebrating any birthdays.  I could be wrong, but I don't think I've celebrated one since I was 16.  I rarely tell anyone when the day is.  Although I think I got more birthday wishes last year than any time in my life since I spent the entire year changing my birthdate on Myspace so that I was perpetually an "upcoming birthday" for everyone in my friends list.

Offline spessa

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2008, 07:22:30 PM »
Lordnod!  My legs are like this so I don't piss my pants.  Or fur.  Whatever the hell a crazy carebearwears.

Jammie!  I guess I'm just lacking the life experience of being a free spirit single person without kids whose birthday is a really important day.  I didn't know what I was talking about.  I'm sorry!

But seriously, can you see yourself at say, 45, still going "yay I'm another year older!  Why isn't everyone doting on me?  WHAT THE FUCK?  GUYS?"   

You're right, I should concentrate on the things I love about my friend.  She has awesome hair. 

Offline murd0c

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2008, 07:43:20 PM »
Lordnod!  My legs are like this so I don't piss my pants.  Or fur.  Whatever the hell a crazy carebearwears.

Jammie!  I guess I'm just lacking the life experience of being a free spirit single person without kids whose birthday is a really important day.  I didn't know what I was talking about.  I'm sorry!

But seriously, can you see yourself at say, 45, still going "yay I'm another year older!  Why isn't everyone doting on me?  WHAT THE FUCK?  GUYS?"   

You're right, I should concentrate on the things I love about my friend.  She has awesome hair. 

Shut up Spessa, you're just mad because you're old.

Offline spessa

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #11 on: March 29, 2008, 07:54:06 PM »
Murdoc: I'm so fucking old that I'm incontinent.  You probably know what that's like, since your asshole isn't firm and taut like it used to be.

Why haven't you remembered my birthday, btw?  It's coming up in JANUARY! 

Offline jammie

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #12 on: March 29, 2008, 08:30:12 PM »
Lordnod!  My legs are like this so I don't piss my pants.  Or fur.  Whatever the hell a crazy carebearwears.

Jammie!  I guess I'm just lacking the life experience of being a free spirit single person without kids whose birthday is a really important day.  I didn't know what I was talking about.  I'm sorry!

But seriously, can you see yourself at say, 45, still going "yay I'm another year older!  Why isn't everyone doting on me?  WHAT THE FUCK?  GUYS?"   

You're right, I should concentrate on the things I love about my friend.  She has awesome hair. 

Heh, actually it's funny you say that.  My dad had a huge 60th birthday part last year and he is still not speaking to people that had horrible excuses for not going.  I guess like father, like daughter :)  His bash was AWESOME though.

And I condition!  *smurfette*

Offline spessa

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Re: omg plz hlp asap
« Reply #13 on: March 29, 2008, 08:37:59 PM »
Okay, so it's hereditary!  You were born to a long line of party people!  I totally blame your dad for making you dissatisfied with passing time on your birthday by answering questions on "ask jammie."  But if you inherited your hair from him, I guess it all evens out.