While We are on the subject of automotive revenge, here are some ideas from the book Make 'em Pay by George Hayduke.
You remember Alex Foley, the Detroit cop, who suggested good ideas for bad guys? Here's a sample of his fun for their rides: a banana in the tail pipe has the same effect as the Hayduke potato but it's a lot less dangerous for the person standing behind the car.
I can't vouch for this, but if old Shadow says it works, it does. He has been around. But, let's say your mark has a car you don't like either. According to Shadow, you can take a Spalding Ping Pong ball - he says it has to be a Spaulding because of the chemical makeup - fill it with liquid drain cleaner, using a hypodermic needle, then wrap black electrical tape all around.
"Drop that sucker in the vehicle's gas tank and it will stand that car on its nose," says Shadow. "You can experiment with the amount of tape you use according to how much time you need to get away.. the more tape there is, the longer it takes for the gas to eat through."
Next is a hotshot in the dark from Shadow. Use some crazy-type glue to adhere a shotgun shell to a hot part of your mark's auto or bike engine. As a humanitarian, Shadow suggest that (1) you don't work on an engine part that is hot, and (2) it would be nice to remove the shot load from the shell first, but leave the wadding in place.
Shep from Denver has a dilly way to get even with a car tinkerer who's done him some dirt. Shep says, "Just put a half dozen of those baby dills in his gas-tank outlet. When that engine kicks over and runs, the fuel pump will suck those little dills right up into the gas line."
He adds that when he was once busted totally without reason in Kansas City, he retailed by pulling his stunt on more than a few of the vehicles in the police department's official automobile pool. Expensive mechanical chaos was their repayment bill for his unjustified bust.
It was good to hear from the Yakima Rt. 1 Auto Flush and his wife as they share some fun for your mark's auto. First, they suggest removing a couple spark plugs, dropping a few small ball bearings into the cylinders, and the replacing the plugs. The results are expensive to repair, in the neighborhood of $400 to $500 for labor alone.
Their next idea will work wonderfully if the mark bought his or her car from an out-of-town dealer. When the mark is at work and the car is parked in a non-patrolled zone, call a tow service and explain there are problems with "your" car. You must be "Mr. Mark/Owner" during this call, of course.
Have the car towed to the local dealership - hopefully on a Friday afternoon - and tell them you're going away for the weekend and will get back to them Monday or Tuesday. As most dealers are slow, this vehicle could sit for a week before someone - the real owner and the police - start to get seriously worried about it.
Does your mark have a vehicle with an automatic transmission? Most do these days, as many marks are real wimps - prime market for the autoshifters. Our Yakima mechanic says the solution is simple: pour a quart of battery acid in the transmission fluid. Soon, no transmission.
Several mechanics from the Pinkeln Auto Repair School suggested that you have a friendly mechanic reverse the sensor between the gas gauge and the gas tank of your mark's car. This will be a lot of fun for you mark some dark, stormy night miles from nowhere.
Mark Hastings lives in a neighborhood full of stuffed shirts and materialistic, bragging Yuppies. He finally had some fun with the vehicle of one from this breed of jerks. The air pressure in the new metric radial tires is fairly critical. Mark adjusted the air pressure in the mark's car tire over a two-week period and had the snobbish Yuppie running the soles off his Nikes in frustration.
"I increased pressure in the right front to sixty pounds one night. Two nights later, I decreased the one to twenty pounds and increased the left front to sixty," Mark says.
Mark was able to learn when this Yuppie was taking his car into the dealership to check the front-end "handling" problems, and the night before he normalized the pressure.
"The dumb jerk spent about $200 on new parts and repair time, plus the dealer's mechanics just kept putting new things on his car. It was great fun hassling this fool," relates Mark.
We need more folk like Jennifer Marshall. Her mind is magnificently malevolent. But, alas, she's on her own out there doing rotten things to evil people as just another avenging angel.
Here is her latest. There are gasoline additives that rid a car's engine of excess moisture. That is, unless you use three bottles on your mark's car. That dosage will heat the average auto-engine temperature beyond not only belief, but also beyond workable stress. Hello, big repair bills.
And, from the fun world of doing radio talk shows, I learned from Denver Don that you can sour an auto battery into inaction by filling it with vinegar. Also, if you fill an auto's gas tank with aircraft fuel, it will not be a happy experience for the vehicle, its owner, or the folks standing nearby when the owner tries to start'er up.
Can you believe that some guy by name of Dic Smegma, who claims the title of international revenge master, thinks that the stunts Nelson Chunder and I report to you are tame? Perhaps, though, Dick's right. For example, he suggests pouring crystallized drain cleaner into the gas tank of your mark's car.
"Want a demonstration?" Dick asks rhetorically. "Try one grain of thestuff in a teaspoon of gasoline before you move to anything operational."
I did. It creates quite a reaction. This is an unsafe trick without grand planning. Use a slow deliver system with insulation or learn to run faster than an explosion you don't want to be caught in.
Dick's stuff is fairly explicit, so you'll be reading a great deal more about him as you peruse this book.
Remember "Send a Boy to Camp" Let's buy a car for you mark, or, at least in your mark's name. It may cost you $25 holding money or maybe a few buck more. But, you can do it. Fill out all the forms and if you've played the salesperson just right and he or she is hungry, you will get away with it. Money speaks louder than ID. Obviously, you must know your mark's name address and all that so you can fill in the binding legal forms. Pay cash for your small down payment, the leave.
Or, see if the salesperson will let you drive the car to the bank to get loan money. You promise to drive right back. Park the car somewhere irregular and leave town with a friend. This probably works best with a used car and a hungry dealer. The legal hassle for the mark remains the same.
MIB
