COUNTYKID WROTE THIS STORY ABOUT OUR MEETING TODAY. IM WRITING IN ALL CAPS.
Lessons in Liife: Real Talk, By CountyKid
For almost 4 years, I had conversations of an original nature with a highly intelligent person. Sharing a membership to a forum with questionable integrity, we had encountered each other in threads, often with words of a threatening and sarcastic nature. It was those conversations which led to a definition in tone to our later communicably exchanged insults. But, as time wore on, Liife's words of anger continued into near-constant mockery of everything he felt you were, often tearing away the very fabric of your soul. His unexplainable ability to see deep into your persona was, and continues to be uncanny.
Naturally, I had to meet such a character.
The first thing to know about Liife is that he was residing, and continues to vacation, in Italy. This was the first obstacle in seeing past the Avatar of eggs and a clever signature, which of course consisted of not a huge graphic, and several seizure inducing GIF images, but the subtly genius "Hey it looks like you got hit in the face with that egg and you want to eat it.". Such understated class is rare on the Internet. He informed me that he would be briefly visiting some friends in an area very close to me. Imagine my surprise, as directions were given (although not without scornful remarks and overall rude behavior) to a location a mere 30 miles away. I was going to meet Him. I was going to meet Liife.
The ride there was, exciting to say the least. The new pavement of a barely opened freeway lay before me as I pushed 2.2 litres of a turbocharged Toyota engine towards my destination. Finally, I arrived. "I'm over here" was what he said through my cellphone as my eyes landed in the distance, a alone figure shimmered in the distant parking lot, waves of heat distorting his image. This was not just any Internet user, this was Liife. Master of Halo, Humorist and Life Coach for those less fortunate. I closed my Nokia clamshell and walked towards him. My mind began to wander. "Is this a trap?" "Did I flame him one too many times and he's going to take his final revenge in a bloody and likely very violent way?" I truthfully did not know. "It would appear you are not an Internet mirage" I said, apprehensive of his response. "You will come to learn that every thing is not as it seems, among other things during your time here" he said with a calm authority. His subtle leadership style reminded me of tapes with Adolph Hitler, commanding respect and strict loyalty. He asked me if I wanted to go to Taco Bell.
We stepped out of a white late model sedan. Faux-wood grain coated a comfortably appointed interior. I noted the factory 6 CD Changer as a sign that Liife was a man of comfortable means. Of course, I expected nothing less. With us was a friend of Liife's, a person well versed in Internet Culture and currently pursuing his PhD in Memeology. We entered Taco Bell's air conditioned interior, a welcome change from the Midwestern humidity ("Illinois fucking sucks in the summer" Liife observantly noted). Liife, never one to rush into anything, took a moment to glance at the menu, making countless calculations of taste and desire of food items. I ran up and ordered the Big Bell Box. As my change was handed to me, I noticed a large amount of nickels present. I dropped them and won a bunch of cinnamon twists. Speaking of which, what the hell are those, anyway? I mean, what the fuck.
Our conversation turned to times of PLA past, including our mutual affiliation with Big-E. Within moments, Big-E was on the phone, saying "what's up CK". We ate our food and enjoyed laughs, a rare charity in times of Internet Past. All the while, the reality of the situation sets in, "I am in the same room as Liife" and you begin to feel lightheaded, the truth of this fact sets you into a mental spin, from which you barely recover.
We stopped for gas. I cleaned his windshield.
A short drive later, his residence loomed before us. I grasped my 32oz cup of Pepsi-Cola as we climped stairs into his doorway. "Let's play Halo" he suggested. I was hardly one to disagree. I failed to take two things into account. 1. I don't own Halo. 2. I suck at vidja games. Oh well. We played for awhile anyway, and it was overall fun. Liife eventually had to depart, leaving me only with a renewed sense of being and a 780pi copy of Tremors (1990).
I needed nothing else as I walked out the door of his dwelling, knowing exactly what I needed to do next. And as I walked into the sunset, a watertower in the distance, I knew that no matter what, these were Liife lessons that I would never forget.
The End.
TL;DR: I MET COUNTYKID TODAY. WE WENT TO TACO BELL AND PLAYED HALO AND I HAVE A WHITE CAR.
