Author Topic: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH  (Read 10113 times)

Offline spsmckintra

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Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« on: October 03, 2008, 07:06:24 PM »
Couldn't verify this story but my foster brother told it to me in the 1990's or so..........claims it's real. Maybe do a search for chinese food and nh ?

Some disclaimers before we start::

1) Put the kids away....graphic content.
2)Don't ever try this yourself (not that you would want to after reading this)
3Doing this may get you free room and board against your will......

This story revolves around a bitch, a particular bitch with a real mean streak. You see, she went out for Chinese food one day. She was seated, as this was a nice sit down restaurant. What comes next is hard to believe......

Waiter:" Would you like to order"?
Bitch: " Look asshole, I'm in a hurry and you look retarded. I want General Tso's chicken and I like it REALLY spicy!" "Get it now or I'm leaving."
Waiter:"You don't have to act like that!"
Bitch: "Get it out here NOW muthafucker or I'm outta here!!!"
      Well we all know how the waiter felt at that moment.....or at least we THINK we know........waiter goes back to the kitchen, confers with cook.

Waiter:"That bitch is crazy".
Cook:" I know, she's been coming here for years, she totally sucks ass."
Waiter:"Anything we could do?"
Cook"I don't know, let me think......"
    In the meantime, the food is prepared and brought out. The bitch is now consuming it like a condemned woman about to go to the chair.
Bitch:"I SAID HOT, HOT HOTTTTTTTTT!!!!! WHAT PART OF FUCKING HOT DO YOU NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND!!!!!! DO IT OVER ASSHOLE!!!!!!!"
     It gets worse, much worse...........
The waiter picks up the plate to bring back to the kitchen. As he turns to walk away, the bitch spits on him. SHE FUCKIN' SPIT ON HIM!!!!
     Angry as all hell, the waiter goes back to the kitchen and confers with the cook again..............
Waiter:"I can't take this, she spit on me!"
Cook:"Holy shit!
Waiter:"You gotta do something, I am going to kill her!!!"
      The cook assesses the situation and comes up with a killer idea............
Waiter:"What ya got in mind?"
Cook:"You'll see...."
     To the astonishment of the waiter, the cook whips out his cock and starts jerking off like a mad man. He comes and blows a load all over the bitche's plate with the general tso chicken.
Cook:"Take that shit out now to here.....see if it's hot enough for her now."
       The waiter is in shock at what he just noticed but complies and takes the plate of now tainted food back out to the bitch.
Waiter:"Try the food now"
        She takes a mouthful and starts chewing.
        It gets worse still.................
This stupid bitch starts choking and she breaks out in a rash all over her face. Paramedics are called, she goes to the hospital. Cops arrest the cook and waiter. Restaurant is closed down for health code violations, etc.
       What was the cooks secret weapon?
Well, it just so happens that the cook was sick with chicken pox and he knew that if he just shared the love a bit.................you get the idea.
Revenge is mine saith the Lord. I will repay.


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Offline Nod

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2008, 07:10:09 PM »
You're a liar. Dumb urban legend is dumb
I HATE the bridge.
Meme Roth is a Food Nazi Cunt

Offline spsmckintra

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2008, 07:12:54 PM »
Your liver is EVIL and MUST be PUniSHED!!!!
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Offline Nod

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2008, 07:23:22 PM »
MOST PEOPLE GET CHICKEN POX WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG AND ARE IMMUNE TO IT AS ADULTS! YOUR STORY IS IMPLAUSIBLE AT BEST!

WHY AM I SHOUTING?
I HATE the bridge.
Meme Roth is a Food Nazi Cunt

Offline spsmckintra

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2008, 07:59:49 PM »
Bullshit....check ya fax .....I know a person who was 45 who had it chix pox that is.
As far as your shouting, I really don't know. But it's well placed. And stay away from the General!
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Offline Zazen

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2008, 04:48:43 PM »
Bullshit....check ya fax .....

Maybe do a search

http://www.google.com/search?q=chinese+food+chicken+pox

This bullshit story being the first and only relevant hit, I'd say there are no fax.

Offline Magus

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2008, 12:48:50 AM »
Too many problems with this story:

1) Explain how the Chinese guy, having no porno magazines that we know of, manage to bust a nut in that small amount of time?

2) Why would a grown adult suffering from chicken pox be at work instead of - oh, I don't know - at home?

3) Why do you indent every three freakin sentences?!

Offline spsmckintra

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2008, 04:29:12 AM »
Magus,
      Like I said in the beginning, it might very well be urban legend. I just can't verify it. Just thought everyone would like the read, true or not......
As far as indenting sentences, I thought it would break up "fatigue" when reading. I can't stand it when someone writes something and a person is forced to read it and keep track, especially if it is long. I am not defending the story either way :nonsense:
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Offline Nod

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2008, 04:39:41 AM »
This thread is dumb. As such I'm breaking out the threadjack.

I move that this thread's subject now be how awesome it would be if threads like this didn't exist in the first place.
I HATE the bridge.
Meme Roth is a Food Nazi Cunt

Offline Tachyon

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2008, 04:50:58 PM »
I knew a guy who used to spread his seed into the food he prepared at work for customers, but he was always smart enough to store his special white sauce ahead of time for later covert placement.
Do you speak two languages?

"Detective Don Gombo: IM AFRAID THE ONLY ONE "F" IS "U" MY FRIEND. WELCOME TO THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE WEB!"

Offline Zazen

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2008, 02:38:20 AM »
what restaurant was that?

Offline Tachyon

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2008, 03:39:50 AM »
what restaurant was that?

Where'd the fun be in that?
Do you speak two languages?

"Detective Don Gombo: IM AFRAID THE ONLY ONE "F" IS "U" MY FRIEND. WELCOME TO THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE WEB!"

Offline m0rdekai

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2008, 01:12:04 PM »
This thread is dumb. As such I'm breaking out the threadjack.

I move that this thread's subject now be how awesome it would be if threads like this didn't exist in the first place.

motion seconded.

Careful Nod.  He's just a very clever spambot. 

Your moms a spambot.

Offline Nod

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2008, 07:51:11 PM »
This thread is dumb. As such I'm breaking out the threadjack.

I move that this thread's subject now be how awesome it would be if threads like this didn't exist in the first place.

motion seconded.

Mordacky seconds. All in favor say Aye.
I HATE the bridge.
Meme Roth is a Food Nazi Cunt

Offline nova

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Re: Chinese Food in Portsmouth, NH
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2008, 09:54:29 PM »
aye