The Fucking Worst Arcade Games

[frog]

This thread, I imagine, is mostly for Gangals and myself.

Let's talk about the really shitty games in the arcade, and whine about them. Alright?


Of course, FS Pong takes the cake. It's unbelievable that those who've played it haven't eaten themselves alive yet. But Flatout is a really shitty game, too. Why would you make an arcade game with a maximum number of points you could get? And Amira, fuck: I would have the damn crownthing for that, except YOU CAN'T WIN THE GAME AND SUBMIT A SCORE. So you're safe with your shitty 44 points, bastard. The PLA bell game sucks, too.

Fuck, most of the games suck.

[gangals]

Finally, my rant page, Thanks Frog!

After I actually do some stuff at work I'll be adding a few pages to the list...

[gangals]

Going down the list...

Cheetah Race: WTF, this might have been some kids school project, but what self respecting person would make a game like this?

Cone Crazi: I'm glad the game loads all the way

Drag N Drop: Stops the boardness, I actually kinda like it, but once again, I wouldn't call that a game...

Military War: Unless I have a wide screen monitor and could actually make the game stretch, I'm not going to be winning this game

Monster Hatch: WTF!

Solitaire: To whoever coded this horrid game: YOU ARE A DUMB ASS! (Dimentioning, it's called DI-MEN-TION-ING!)

Shell Game: My finger is more tired from clicling than my eyes are from watching

Star Wars: Is it even possible to lose?

[frog]

My ass has fallen off due to laughter., I was playing Cheetah race a lot today. I divide my money into three, and bet on blue winning first, second, and third. I made it up to $20,000 from the initial $500. Then the jackass decided to come in DEAD LAST FOREVER.

When I played Star Wars, I figured I'd go for longer than you would be willing to and let myself lose. Because, no, otherwise, you can't. And why the shit are the TIE Fighters always in the exact same pattern?

Bloody Penguin I've probably played more than most other games in the arcade. There are about four options: you can not hit the penguin over the spikes, hit just over, pretty high over, and off the screen over. Beyond that, you have no control whatsoever over how you do, it's just random and beyond your ability to alter. So you and I are doomed to not pwn the game because jessicabaxter (she's a babe, by the way) and now some fuck-face Zoro have these completely unmatchable scores that--because the game takes no skill--we are powerless to beat. It's like a shitty kids' arcade game, one where the kid can win a prize if he puts in enough quarters enough times and does nothing. Or slot machines, wtf.

Ameriman is so horrible it's not funny. The hitboxes are so screwed up that you can hit each car as many as four times while it's on the screen. The wine bottles get stuck on the side of the screen and don't come at you, sometimes. And like logistikz said, you can just hold space and get the "highest score possible." WHO MAKES A GAME WITH A HIGHEST POSSIBLE SCORE?

That lumps in about 2/3rds of ULTIMATE Arcade's stupid games. Castle Defender was a real step up for them, because not only can you lose points, you can lose health AND DIE. Of course, it's still 10x too easy to get a headshot, which happens if you shoot at them at all. The Alien Jumping Game also is amazing because it doesn't have a stupid useless timer, but you can still see the masks of the pictures imported into Flash.

Your score in the Shell Game is intimidating. I didn't even bother to play it because I figured I couldn't beat you.

[Raptor]

I encountered error messages when palying one of the games, (forgot wich one) any one else see this?

[frog]

I encountered error messages when palying one of the games, (forgot wich one) any one else see this?

There's a lot of games. What kind of error message?

[ghostman]

You guys need to get a Colecovision.

[silentneep]

I encountered error messages when palying one of the games, (forgot wich one) any one else see this?

There's a lot of games. What kind of error message?

This one happened to me, too.  I was in the middle of playing and then BAM! I get the "Game Over" error.  Worse than the damned BSOD.

[mr_doc]

Sonic Blox- Only destroy the rows 4 at a time. In other words leave yourself a gap somewhere so when you get the 'l' shaped block you will destroy 4 rows simultaneously. When you do that, the Sonic that drops down will destroy each brick and bounce off it so you can destroy all the bricks you have on screen. Plus if Robotnik comes out while you are doing this you can kill him. That's where all the points are made.

Snake- Pressing the space bar pauses the game. The second you chomp a pellet hit the space bar to see where the next one is. Then press space to unpause and take the shortest route to it. The faster you get the pellet the more points you get.

Top Banana- Just reload the game over and over until you are either in the top left or the bottom right. Let's say you start in the top left. You then continuosly click the square to your right. when you get to the right edge, you will come through at the leftmost square on the next lowest level. Continue through the whole grid and just avoid the 5 mines. If you don't understand just try it, you'll see what I mean.

Star Wars- If you can recognize the simple pattern you will only die when you get bored and kill yourself.