Hi, I'm Adam Sandler. I get very angry sometimes and cry for no reason sometimes and I don't know if this is normal because I don't know how other people are. Ima call a phone sex line because no one listens to me and stuff and I need someone to just talk to. This is weird they are asking my credit card, address, social security number, other stuff that you shouldn't really tell people that you don't know is a real company thing. The phone sex lady is asking me for money because I said I was a self-employed businessmen even tho I didn't say I was still poor. She wants the money bad she is willing to tell my friends and family I am a pervert. Some guys try to kill me for a few hundred bucks justifying it by me being a pervert calling a phone sex line. I have a girlfriend now so I won't take any shit when they try to kill me in front of her so I beat the shit out of them with my super rage powers. Then I go and track down the people and threaten them to stop doing the shit and they leave me alone and I am happy ever after.
EDIT: and he buys a bucncha puddin' so he can fly places.