you know what i do at weak-net? i take a fuckin screw driver and find the two leads that make the power coming from the (usually the bottom right) mobo. If you hit the right leads togther with it plugged in it will turn on. also, if drugs have messed you up that bad, you may have the mobo in upside down or potentially backwards, check to make sure the huge pink parallel ports, USB ports and such are facing the back side of the case. and if thats the case, then buy a new case or encase the case in a bigger case. case closed. heh.
naw, once you find the leads hook and "push button" switch up to it. or make a remote starter from some IR LEDs from radio shack xD